Black Lotus

On By Guest BloggerIn Adoptee Anger, Adoptee Artists, Adoptee Artwork, Adoptee vulnerability, Adoption Attachment, Alternate therapies in adoption, Art therapy, Complexities in Adoption, Difficult discussions in adoption, Generational trauma, Germany, Grief and Loss, Importance of Connections to Origins, Korea, Lifelong Impacts of Adoption, Multiple Identities, Not Knowing in Adoption, Origins Search, Sense of Belonging

Artwork by Jonas Haid, born in South Korea adopted to Germany

Shows myself, carried on what made me (trauma, persons I’ve met and spoiled me), connected to the tree of life, and filled with all confusion (butterflies) that forms the inner circle of the South Korean flag. If someone sees only what’s on the surface, it might look beautiful to them but the ground is filled with black lotuses, a non existent and impalpable vegetation.

This is the first time in 40 years that I’m doing an artwork inspired by my own story.

I don’t know why I was afraid of doing it before but my regressive depressions, triggered by my midlife crises and boosted by complex PTSD brought me to the space to create it. It was a really good and healing experience to do so.

I invested the last two weeks doing this painting.

I feel connected to myself, the pain and trauma I experienced but my surviving strategies were leading into impenetrable darkness. Now, I can see all the grief I did to many and at the same time I feel so much.

Feeling myself is challenging but not as painful as stagnation.

I can vaguely see some roots in me, but I am still feeling like the black lotus.

Just non-existent.

(Size 120 x 100 cm)

Resources

Mental Balance and Art by Jonas Haid

Jonas’s artwork “Genesis” was selected in 2021 by the Australian Government as part of 3 adoptee artworks sourced by ICAV and chosen to be featured in their Intercountry Adoption and Suicide in Australia: A Scoping Review

Adoptee artwork featured at ICAV

Intercountry Adoptee Artists

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