by Maars, taken from the Philippines to Canada. You can follow Maars @BlackSheepMaars
Birthdays are hard for an adoptee.
It’s a reminder of the day I was given life. It’s a reminder of what a mother and father could only dream up for me.
However in adoption, those dreams are short-lived and someone else dreams a new one for me, but it’s never guaranteed. Not all dreams carry the same intention and love and that’s true in a lot of ways for me having lost my birth parents.
But now I dream for myself, and that’s me reclaiming myself.
As I reflect on today, what 34 years has been, I still grieve that baby with that smile, how much she didn’t know would be ahead of her. How much loss and grief she’d have to overcome as the years passed and the loss of all that she was born with.
I wish I could have saved her. I wish I could have saved her from all the painful moments she’d face, and I could have held her for every time she wailed for her birth parents. I wish I was able to guarantee her that one day, she’d find all her pieces again and that it would come with a different type of grief. I wish I knew how to be there for her.
Today, I wish for her and myself, that baby Maars and myself may continue to heal the wounds she no longer needs to hold onto. I wish that she can find peace and happiness in the present.
Some things I never get over, some things will always find its way to surface. Some things will heal over time.
Happy Birthday baby Maars, we’re doing good!
Check out a recent blog from Maars: So Much Loss in Adoption