At ICAV, we invited members to share during National Adoption Awareness Month what they would like the public to know. Here’s another of what some of our members are happy to share to the public.
I’m not a tree whose roots have been cut off. That’s what others want me to believe. The ones handling the chainsaw to cut me off.
I’m not feeling guilt for having interest in my own story, the truth.
And no, I still don’t have access to full and correct information about myself.
I’m a Belgian guy, carrying my heritage with me. I don’t have to choose which country I belong to. It’s all part of me.
I’m not ashamed to say I’m not grateful for adoption. Not ashamed to say I remember feeling miserable as a child, and lonely most of my life. Because that’s the truth and denial used to be a way to try to cope with those feelings.
No, I’m not a bottomless pit.
It is believed there is trauma from the beginning, from the separation of the birth mom. But even then I did not start with the incapability of bonding or returning love.
That others can’t feel it or recognise it, is their lack of knowledge or interpretation skills.
Yes I have trauma mainly from my adoptive parents. Yes, I know many adoptees who were abused.
So I’ll start taking care of trauma and stop trying to rehabilitate.
I stopped being afraid of hurting my adoptive parents’ feelings a long time ago. And I’ll stop being a people pleaser soon.
Yes, I grew up with racism. Adoptive parents trying not to be racist don’t change that, except for making the topic undiscussable.
And no, my white culture doesn’t change my colour of your skin.
Yes, adoption is about people paying money for someone else’s child.
And drawing the stakeholders in adoption as a triangle will make you forget about the squares and circles in and around it.
No, I can’t tell if it’s better to be adopted or not, because I can’t compare to an unexisting life.
Neither can you.
by Less Lee