For Adoptee Remembrance Day I want to highlight and honour those who have attempted suicide and also those who have died of suicide. This is a topic within adoption that needs far more attention and resources. We lose adoptees to suicide because there is not enough supports to recognise and enable healing from the losses that many experience.
I wrote this because I understood this cry for help from someone I’m currently supporting and it rings of the truth we experience in being relinquished. Our relinquishment is not a once-off action without consequences – our loss is experienced internally on a very deep level, and for some, it’s felt every moment, every day and can become overwhelming!
“I want to go home!”
This is the cry of a young man as he struggles, dangling from the noose created for himself.
In these most vulnerable moments, the pain is so intense and raw, he can see no other way to have some peace.
How does he ever get to this moment?
It’s a lifetime of misunderstood pains which build up, no words to express.
It’s a bodily anger and rage from not understanding why she left him, was he not good enough? Was it his fault?
From an early age the body cuts off – his only survival mechanism.
Love does not conquer this pain, anguish, and confusion! Love cannot penetrate.
Who is he? How did he end up here, in a different country, surrounded by people that are not his by nature? This is not what he wanted!
Generations lost – their trauma resides within his body.
Darkness seeps into his soul.
No way out?
Only hope will relieve … find her.
The one – who’s sounds and movements his body cells remember.
It will be his only chance to live.
Can someone help him come home … to her?
Then maybe it will make some sense.
This loss and pain he doesn’t understand.
Home is where he wants to be!
In honour of those we have lost who struggled through this, and for those who still struggle every day – You Are Not Alone!
The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier