I don’t know

I recently met Xanne-Li at the INEA Congress and Festival in the Netherlands, Xanne-Li is born in China and adopted to the Netherlands. Afterwards, we enjoyed connecting further during an adoptee dinner I organised with other intercountry adoptees in Amsterdam.

What I didn’t realise until I returned home to Australia, was that Xanne-Li is an incredibly talented singer/songwriter. They posted in my ICAV FB group and I was deeply touched by their music and ability to express what so many adoptees struggle with – the constancy of unknowing, the endless questions we live with, the challenge to find who we are, where we fit and how to make sense of any of it.

Here is what Xanne-Li shared about their musical piece:

I originally wrote this song when going through some romantic heartbreak, not understanding even half of what I now know to be the complex feelings of an adoptee. I found myself drawn to this song time and time again and the meaning for me has changed to something so much more profound and unexplainable.

I often find that writing and listening to songs/music help me make sense of the world around and inside of me. I haven’t written new material in years, but maybe it is time to try again.

I have been feeling quite down and overwhelmed by life so I wanted to do something, share something, to try and give it all some meaning.

I hope other adoptees find your own meaning in this song and that it might help you on your journey as it did (and does) for me.