by Sascha Bouwknegt, Soo Jung Suh 서수정 k-3239 born in South Korea, raised in the Netherlands.
After 48 years, I went back in May to South Korea where I was born. With 31 adoptees under the guidance of Me & Korea, we truly confronted ourselves with all possible difficult and even traumatic aspects of being relinquished. This journey was truly heartbreaking, devastating, though healing. Being with 31 people that felt like blood brothers and sisters, in a country that felt that I belonged there very naturally, healed wounds I didn’t know were there.
I met the most wonderful people, I met native Koreans who really cared for us, illegaly orphanized adoptees. As adoptees, we lost our history. We lost our culture and language. We lost safety where it should have been a natural part of growing up. And though I don’t mean to come across as a bitter, angry person, I sometimes am furious about how the hell a country could have been so careless for their youngest civilians. And also how the hell so much ignorance and arrogance seems to dominate the receiving countries’ view on ‘save a child – it’s always better here than there‘.
Apparently it is easier to imagine what a dog needs, than a child: it is common knowledge and practice that puppies should stay for 8 weeks with their mom otherwise chances are they develop problematic behaviour.
Seeing during this brief journey not only the dark sad side but also the beauty of Korean culture, and recognising certain traits that are ‘very Korean‘ (live life fiercely for example), the food (OH MY GOD, THE FOOD!!! haven’t gone a day since returning that I didn’t crave the food), South Korea made me feel so much more ‘whole’. I hadn’t known how broken and lonely I felt until I felt so good among ‘my people’., especially the KAD’s (Korean adoptees).
That for me was and is life-changing. And though I hate the word ‘grateful’ when it comes to adoption, I will always be very grateful for this wonderful journey.
Like almost every adoptee, I would have loved to know my biological parents, sisters, maybe there are many others. But I was convinced that I had to live without ever knowing them.
And then, after 2 months, Minyoung kim – the mastermind of Me & Korea with the biggest heart for adoptees, called to tell me, that my parents have been found!
I am thrilled, shocked, confused and this news touched me deeply. Damn, I am going to see them? Do I look like them? Do they also love cooking (MUST, I guess) and so much more …. do they also laugh their hearts out when having fun? Or can they cry their hearts out like I sometimes do? Do they also have ‘kimchi – temper’, easily exploding types?
This year I might go to meet them. I might get a picture of how they look. I might get some answers. And then again, I simply don’t know what will happen.
But most importantly whatever the outcome will be, from this year on, I feel I belong.