Ande shares about Adoptee Anger

by Ande Stanley, born in the UK and adopted to the USA.

This is a series on Adoptee Anger from lived experience, to help people understand what is beneath the surface and why adoptees can sometimes seem angry.

Was I ever an angry adoptee? Yes. I still am. My therapist says anger is a normal response to being lied to and manipulated. But I am a late discovery adoptee. I can’t say how I would feel if I had known all along. I think there would still have been some anger because of all of the lies I discovered had been told about my adoption by my families of origin.

I also kind of believe that there is a righteous anger that is appropriate when it comes to adoption. I wish my families were willing to at least try to look at my feelings through my lens, instead of fighting so hard to maintain their own narratives. I am expected to see theirs, yet they refuse to even try to see mine.

You can read more from Ande at The Adoption Files blog and Spotify podcast.

2 Replies to “Ande shares about Adoptee Anger”

  1. I so understand. My birthmother kept her other 3 children. Don’t get me wrong I was raised with a great family. But always have that empty spot. Some people just don’t get it being adopted. It’s a struggle for me sometimes with others. Thank you for sharing.

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