Overcoming Bullying

Locked by FaerieWarrior

Hello, you may call me FaerieWarrior and I’m a Chinese artist who was adopted to America in 1997 at around thirteen months old. I was raised by a single mother and have always had a passion for drawing. I currently hold a degree in education (k-12) and art. I would love to go back to college and potentially get a master’s in art. 

Above is one of my drawings which I call “Locked”. It expresses how after I was bullied in 7th/8th grade and how I always kept my feelings and emotions to myself. I tended to keep people at a distance and never really open myself up. 

The bullying started halfway through 6th grade and got more intense at 7th/8th grade. The most popular guy in our class came up to me during recess and told me he had a crush on me. Me, being an intellectual and not liking this guy at all, said: “Ew, no!” So for the next two years, I was bullied about various things from my appearance, my hobbies, and my so-called ‘boyfriend’ (my childhood friend who went to a different school and no, we weren’t dating). 

I should probably mention that around 85-90% of my class were white Americans. The other ethnicities in our class were: one Hispanic girl, one Filipino girl and one Chinese girl (me). Given we all went to a Catholic K-8 school, we were all raised Catholic as well. 

I was mostly bullied about how “long and disgusting” my hair was (I still proudly keep my hair long) together with my love of reading. While I read, some people would throw random objects at me to see if I would notice. Markers, paper clips, eraser heads, etc were the main projectiles. One time in music class, the guy who professed his crush on me threw a broken pen that hit me in the check. 

The ‘friend’ group I was a part of, mostly ignored me unless they needed help with school work (I was usually given the task of doing the experiments and explanations for science labs). Other times they would exclude me from their conversations or small group projects with the snide, “You should work with other people and try to make friends,” while they continued to work with the same exact people. Such hypocrites.

Not only that, there were two (or three, I don’t really remember) guys who would be super creepy and oddly sexual towards me. When the jerk who initiated it walked around the classroom, he would intentionally walk behind me and stroke my back as he went by. Every single time. That led me to hate being touched, especially when it’s from a stranger or unexpected. That guy even had the gall to tell me that he’d, “Make me the next teen mom” (back when that television show was a “thing”). I replied with, “You’d never get close enough to try,” while kicking him in the shin under the table.

There was only ever one incident where my ethnicity was under fire. Some random weird kid who had a love/hate relationship with me called me a racial slur (some days he’d claim he was in love with me and the next day he’d hate my guts). I was a bit confused since I had never heard that word before in my life. I went home and looked it up in the dictionary. I didn’t really particularly care because I had a sense of purpose about who I was and what I’m here to do. 

Well, I’ve been rambling on for a while so if you want to know more about this time of my life, I have a story speedpaint where I draw and tell you a more in-depth about my younger years (it’s around 20 minutes long so hope you got some popcorn). You can find it here.

When I reached high school, I started clashing with my adoptive mom. I wasn’t performing at the level she wanted and each year from sophomore to senior year I struggled in one class. We also had many differing ideas on what my career path should be (she did not support me being a professional artist). I constantly felt like I was a disappointment and had no worth. From my resulting ruined self-esteem, destroyed confidence and years of being bullied and abused, those feelings grew into a general feeling of disappointment in my talents.

CNY 2020 Year of the Rat by FaerieWarrior

Anyway, for a more light-hearted conversation, above is a drawing I made for the Chinese New Year 2020. It was a fun drawing to make. I was born in the year of the rat and I always enjoy ‘celebrating’ Chinese New Year. Every year I would get my mom to buy me Chinese food and we’d change the stuffed animal that hangs out in the kitchen (we have all the Chinese zodiac beanie babies). The girl has the Chinese symbol for “metal” on her chest because this year the element is metal. The lucky colours for rats are gold, blue, and green. So I incorporated gold in the dress and blue in the eyes of the mouse. The lucky flower for rats is the lily so I added them in as hair accessories since I always wear a flower in my hair. 

I was raised with lots of books about my home country and its culture/traditions so I grew up always proud of my heritage. I really love the idea/concepts of the zodiac and I would totally nerd out with it (ie I compiled notes about personality traits, relationship dos and don’ts, etc). When I was a toddler, my mom took me to Chinese lessons in which I was too shy and antisocial to really participate in, which is something I regret now.

So with my head in the clouds and with all my past experiences, I enjoy making art and stories that hopefully will make an impact on others in the future.
If you would like to see more of my work, you can follow me on DeviantArt.

Gabby Mentors Young Chinese Adoptees via Art

Artwork by Gabby

I am a Chinese adoptee, adopted into a white New Zealand family in 1966, who had 8 other children. I have struggled my entire life to make sense of my place in the world. It wasn’t until I was approximately 48 years old that I connected to other intercountry and transracial adoptees online. Since then, I’ve no longer felt isolated or misunderstood. It has been incredibly healing to know that my thoughts and emotions are shared by many in these groups.

As an artist, I communicate some of my life experiences through art. I have had many adopted people approach me sharing a common narrative and I’ve been surprised, humbled and encouraged by this.

I volunteer my time by running art workshops for adolescents from Families with Children from China (FCCA) in Sydney at the Cosydney workspace in Chippendale. I do this because I recognise myself in each of them and am glad they have a support network and peer group who provide support and understands their issues. I learn a lot from them and we always have a laugh!

If you have any queries you can see my artwork at www.gabbymalpas.com/
or contact me at Gabby Malpas.

To coincide with my latest show opening is an exhibition of artworks created by our young Chinese intercountry adoptees from the workshops I’ve been running.

Please join us if you would like to see their beautiful artwork, at 2pm on Saturday 9 December at the Artshine Gallery (Address: 3 Blackfriars Street Chippendale).

 

 

 

 

MOVEnSHAKE for Young Adoptees

Anna

Hello! My name is Anna and I am a Filipino intercountry adoptee who came to sunny Queensland (QLD) in Australia at eighteen months of age. I’ve been very blessed to have been raised in one of the most multicultural hubs of South Brisbane, so I can’t recall experiencing huge amounts of racism or discrimination.

For my adoption journey the biggest struggle was trying to make sense of the anguish of rejection and hiding the constant fear of the uncertainty I had experienced so early in life. My adoptive parents did everything they could, firmly believing that love could fix everything which compounded my debilitating guilt to be a “good” and “happy” child – when beneath the surface every fake smile would send heartbreaking cracks through my internal shell.

When I turned five my parents adopted another daughter from the Philippines. I had a secret hope that having another brown baby in our family might help me feel less alone but I quickly discovered she would be completely the opposite to me. This extremely cute and bubbly toddler, even to this day, will often be at the centre of any social gathering filling the room with laughter, whereas I still struggle with an unfortunate combination of social anxiety and self doubt. When I use to run to my sister’s room in tears needing someone to talk with about my adoption struggles, she would leave the room before I could finish a sentence or just silently glare at me with a blank expression. It wasn’t until recently that I realised this inability of others to just sit and be with me in my time of need, led to me developing a fear of reaching out to other people including other adoptees because of fearing further rejection and abandonment.

So, over the course of time, and as I do more of my own journey I have learnt to be braver and to fear failure and rejection in the right way. I started to turn up to adoption gatherings and wanted to become more involved behind the scenes with Intercountry Adoptive Families of Queensland (IAFQ) and International Adoption Day. Through this support group I’ve met some beautiful adoptive families and incredible adoptees. I’ve found encouragement and hope in the connection with other people who know by experience what it is like to loose family and friends because they simply do not understand the indescribable difficulties of adoption.

As I continued to push the boundaries of my comfort zone I connected in with ICAV and formed wonderful friendships with Lynelle, Lan and other incredible adoptees. Now I can attend adoptee support groups without feeling petrified of finally being seen and heard for who I am. It’s been liberating to be authentic me, to own my imperfections, flaws and quirks, as I continue to piece my identity together.

With a bolder perception of myself and the world that I inhabit, a passion grew from the place that once only generated oppression. One of my things I loved as a kid was blasting music in my room and trying out some funky dance moves. Thankfully at the time no one had to witness my ‘unco’ groove therapy, but that’s totally what it meant to me. After considering the similarities intercountry adoptees have with one another I began to see an opportunity for an adoptee led group. I realised there are different cultural adoptee dance groups in Brisbane which are primarily parent led and organised – so I thought this could be the ideal link of us adoptees to connect with one another from across the borders of ethnicity.

From here, MOVEnSHAKE began to take form and rhythm. What was originally going to be just a teen group for intercountry adoptees, has now led to two seperate age groups. The Juniors group, for ages eight to twelve and the Teen group from ages thirteen to seventeen. The maximum age gap in any one group is five years to help nurture connection. Both groups are run back to back on the first Sunday of the Queensland school holidays as a way to connect with adoptees and to have a heap of fun experiencing different dance styles.

In April 2017, we had our very first MOVEnSHAKE session with an incredible turn out of almost fourteen participants for each age group! The dance studio atmosphere was full of energy and excitement for the Hip Hop theme. Although I am by no means a professional dance instructor, there is an intentionality and structure to the sessions to help cultivate confidence, connection and input from all the participants. We start with a fun introduction game and I spend time planning and practicing a dance routine to share with the group. We spent time working with the routine and as a group we learnt and adapted moves from one another, even spending time being amazed by each others slick moves. I gave the groups opportunities to decide if they wanted to have some time to put together their own dance set, which we all later got to showcase to one another.

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As time goes on the plan for MOVEnSHAKE is to invite adoptees along to share their cultural dance style and genres with the group.

To date, I have only run two MOVEnSHAKE sessions and both have been fantastic! I am amazed at the incredible talent and energy of all of the participants and I continue to be encouraged by each of their courage and willingness show up and get involved. There’s an immense joy knowing kids are being encouraged and supported by their parents to come along and participate in MOVEnSHAKE. Some families travel up the coast and across the state border as a massive testament to the parents dedication and appreciation for the adoptee led connection group. There are already requests to start an even younger age group, for kids as young as six.

The space and the environment to nurture these invaluable adoptee connections is exactly what I grew up desiring and needing but also fearing. Witnessing the potential for life long friendships which have already begun to develop is a huge motivation for me to keep maintaining and evolving MOVEnSHAKE. The simplest way to explain my crazy passion and heart to help other adoptees, is that I got to a point in my own journey where I didn’t want adoption to continually impact me. Instead I set out to find ways to impact adoption. So I am super excited to continue this journey!

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Below are some of the comments and feedback from a few of the gorgeous MOVEnSHAKE participants:

What I love and enjoy most about MOVEnSHAKE its the diversity of the kids who participate in the fun activity. The adoptees come from places like the Philippines, Ethiopia and Taiwan which leads to a great range of people altogether enjoying themselves. The freedom that we get from MOVEnSHAKE is always amazing. Everyone’s able to express themselves without fear of criticism and judgement from the other adoptees.”

Alex

“It was a lot of fun and we could do some free style dancing which is awesome. The best thing is that all our friends came and could choose a style for next time. We also learnt different dances to songs and if I could describe MOVEnSHAKE in two words it would be “energetic” and “fun”. I don’t know how Anna did it but it was fun and cool to hang out with friends we don’t really see very often.”

Mitia

“Move n Shake is awesome!  It is a good way to get together with my friends and have fun.  I think it is important for me to be able to connect to other adoptees to know I am not alone and I have friendships that understand me.  It also allows me to meet new friends.”

Sorayut

For anyone interested in participating or being involved in MOVEnSHAKE, please contact Anna.