by Sita van Groesen, adopted from Sri Lanka to the Netherlands
Why I Responded to the Dutch Government Consultation
Years ago, my Sri Lankan sister and I discovered by accident that we are sisters. We had both ended up in the Netherlands through adoption, without knowing that the other existed.
During our search to understand our origins, we also discovered that I had a twin sister. She had been adopted to Canada. Shortly before we found each other, she died by suicide in London. To this day, it remains very difficult to obtain information about her adoption file, her life, and the circumstances surrounding her death.
Our story is one example of how adoption can sever not only identities, but entire family relationships. Through adoption, family ties are legally broken. Sisters who are biologically related are strangers in the eyes of the law. This reality is one of the reasons I decided to submit a response to the Dutch government consultation on the proposed Act on the phasing out of intercountry adoption and simplification of identity restoration.
Ending transnational adoption is an important step. But justice must also address the lives of those who have already been affected by this system.
Why I Responded to the Consultation
In my submission, I deliberately use the term transnational adoption rather than intercountry adoption. The word “intercountry” suggests reciprocity between countries. In practice, adoption has mostly been a one-way movement: children transferred from countries in the Global South to wealthier Western nations.
Research and investigations in the Netherlands, including the Joustra Commission report, have already documented structural problems within the adoption system. These include incomplete or falsified records, inadequate supervision, and insufficient protection of children and their families.
Given this history, it is not enough to simply stop future adoptions. The government must also provide meaningful redress for the people whose lives were shaped by this system.
The Legal Erasure of Family
Dutch law currently states that adoption terminates the legal family relationships between a child and their original family and replaces them with ties to the adoptive family.
In my own life, this legal rule has had profound consequences. Even though my Sri Lankan sister and I have found each other, the law does not recognise us as family.
Under current legislation there are only two practical options:
• keep the adoption intact and not recognise the original family
• revoke the adoption in order to restore original family ties
For me, severing my relationship with my adoptive family is not something I want. My adoptive family is part of my life. But my Sri Lankan sisters are also part of who I am. Why should the law force us to choose between these families? Instead, I believe there should be a legal possibility to recognise multiple family ties, allowing adoptees to maintain their adoptive relationships while also restoring legal recognition of their original families.
Real Consequences Beyond Symbolism
The legal erasure of original family ties is not merely symbolic. It has concrete legal and financial consequences. For example, if something were to happen to me, my Sri Lankan sister would have no legal standing. Even if I included her in my will, she would fall into a different inheritance tax category than the siblings I grew up with, resulting in significantly higher tax burdens.
These laws continue to treat our biological relationships as if they do not exist.
Searching for Family Should Not Be a Private Burden
Another issue is the cost of searching for family. Many adoptees must pay for everything themselves:
• DNA testing
• archival research
• legal procedures
• travel to their country of origin
Yet it is now widely acknowledged that adoption records are often incomplete or inaccurate. It is therefore unreasonable that adoptees alone should bear the financial burden of correcting these systemic failures. Governments should provide support and reimbursement for family searches and reunification efforts.
Mental Health Must Be Taken Seriously
My story is not unique. International research shows that adoptees experience higher rates of suicide and serious mental health challenges than the general population. Despite this, the proposed legislation pays very little attention to the need for structural psychosocial support for adult adoptees.
My own experience also raises another important question:
How often were siblings, including twins, separated through the adoption system without transparency? This is an issue that deserves further research and acknowledgement.
Restoring Names and Identity
The proposed law also mentions simplifying the restoration of original names. However, in practice this process still involves costs. For many adoptees whose names were changed or recorded incorrectly, this creates another barrier. Restoring an original name should not require payment. Identity restoration should be free.
Listening to Adoptees
The further development of this legislation will take place through additional regulations. It is essential that adult adoptees are meaningfully involved in shaping these policies. Our experiences are not abstract policy issues. They are lived realities.
Remembering the Women Lost Through Adoption
On International Women’s Day when women are placed at the centre of the world, I think of my sisters. I think of my twin sister whose life ended before we ever had the chance to meet. And I think of all the women whose stories have been lost through adoption.
Ending transnational adoption is an important step. But true justice also requires recognition, support, and restoration for those who were already affected by this system.
📄 Full consultation submission
Sita’s complete and original Dutch response to Internet Consultation – Act on the Phasing Out of Intercountry Adoption and Simplification of Identity Restoration can be read here.
Resources
De-twinned by intercountry adoption
Book Review: Somewhere Sisters & Daughters of the Bamboo Grove