Artwork and text by Jonas Haid, adopted from South Korea to Germany.
For me, self-love doesn’t mean changing myself or forcing myself to “accept who I am.”
It means something deeper: tracing my weaknesses back to the original needs beneath them, and then gently guiding myself toward my own version of wholeness.
The only guide I truly have is my inner world. My own vision of how life could feel if it were safe and balanced.
And through this shift in perspective, I finally begin to see that I can love myself even in a clear, sober state.
At the same time, I realize I’m allowed to honour my needs, instead of pushing everything into a distant version of myself, observing it from afar and numbing it with a substance.
A key moment for me is understanding how I can relate to my addiction (cannabis) without becoming violent toward myself.
In the past, moving from one extreme to the other always pushed me back into relapse. I would start over, then give up everything too quickly. Many times I found myself standing at the beginning of my journey again — sober, but unable to see meaning in the future.
Today I understand why:
I had connected too many parts of my personality with my consumption. The only sustainable way forward is step by step – breaking old patterns slowly, and building opposite rituals that can take their place.
This is how I’m learning to grow into a life that actually fits me, one that feels acceptable and true.
This realization leads me to take an important step toward self-determination.
The path is still full of obstacles, but to remind myself of why I’m doing this, I dedicated a small love poem and drawing to myself:
⸻
A gentle light,
soaked in color,
with ease
and elegance,
wants to give you form.
Every detail, every nuance
speaks for the unspoken,
for all the things I often have no words for.
Framed within the heart of love,
held in deep trust,
I want to embrace you —
softly,
in the same way
you touch me.
Loving and tender,
like a butterfly
in the middle of its blooming season.
Other artwork by Jonas Haid shared at ICAV
Resources
At ICAVs website, use the search tool with key words “adoptee art”. Also view our list of intercountry adoptee artists and their websites here.