On 15 Sept 2025, I was asked by Fireside Adoptees to speak at their webinar on Amplifying Adoptee Advocacy. Here is what I shared.
Thank you Amanda for inviting me to speak at Fireside Adoptees today. I’m honoured and hope that what I have to share will be helpful to the wider community. I would like to speak to you today about my personal journey and how I’ve learnt to turn my pain into something useful for myself, via the transformative journey of advocacy.
I want to start by taking a moment to acknowledge I am one of many incredible intercountry adoptee advocates. I walk alongside others who’ve done this work for decades. Advocacy is built collectively, generation by generation, never the work of just one person.
When I first presented my advocacy work at the INEA Congress in the Netherlands, a place I admire for its strong rights based leadership, I looked up the definition of what advocacy is. This one resonated most: Advocacy is the organised attempt to change policy, practice, and attitudes by presenting evidence and arguments for why and how change must happen (Open Society Foundations). It’s about amplifying truth, influencing systems, and healing through action. Today I’ll share how I got involved, and some key lessons I’ve learned for those considering this path.
For those who don’t know me, I was born in Vietnam and brought to Australia as an infant by a white Australian family. I was the only adoptee, raised in the middle of their 4 biological children, on a dairy farm in regional Australia. I grew up very isolated, knowing no one else like me until I moved states at age 20. At that time, I struggled deeply—wondering why life felt so hard, why I was so lost, and who I truly was.
While working for a woman who attended the 12 Step Overeaters Anonymous program, I became curious if there was an equivalent support group for adoptees—an ‘Adoptees Anonymous’. I found nothing, but I did stumble across formal post-adoption services. I attended a group, but it was mainly for white domestic adoptees. No-one looked like me, a person of colour — nor had been born in another country.
I asked the support centre if there were others like me. They said occasionally, yes—but they didn’t know of any support space for us. I gave them permission to pass on my contact details if someone else reached out. And so began my journey—connecting to other intercountry, mostly transracial, adoptees.
At that time I worked in IBM and with my technology background, I knew the power of the internet and had my website up and available. Immediately, adoptees joined from all around the world. Today, 27 years later, ICAV is one of the oldest and largest global networks for intercountry adoptees—providing a space to share, connect, collaborate, and advocate.
How Did I Get Involved in Advocacy?
Some may wonder how I became an advocate. It was a natural progression and because of my own experience of struggle, pain, and complex trauma — I wanted to ensure nobody else suffered in the same way. After years of listening to others, hearing so many shared stories, I realised the systems that created our adoptions were replicating the same problems over and over—and it seemed very few people were working in the area to fix them.
Over time, I came to understand there is power in transforming my own pain into purpose to create much needed change. I didn’t need special qualifications to be an advocate. I just needed to start where I was —connect with others, reclaim my voice and use my strengths to speak my truth about what I knew and what I continue to learn about adoption and the systems that uphold it.
In the early days in Australia, I encouraged fellow adoptees to participate in education processes—particularly in the assessment of prospective adoptive parents. We shared our lived experiences to help better prepare future parents. This was our way of influencing the next generation of adoptees. It felt rewarding and liberating, and we were being compensated for our expertise and time. Eventually, my work evolved and I couldn’t help but get involved at political forums.
Back then, in the early 2000s, intercountry adoptee voices were nearly invisible. As ICAV grew globally, I started collecting and publishing our voices in ‘Perspective Papers’—on topics like racism, changing our names, searching, returning to birth country. The process of harnessing our voices together en-masse, became the foundation of how I advocate today. I continue to centre our collective voices, especially those most underrepresented.
Advocacy as Healing and Empowerment
Advocacy has been a healing journey. Meeting others like me—fellow adoptees and survivors—made me realise: “I’m not alone.” That realisation sparked my transition from victim to advocate. Connecting with people who genuinely validated my pain helped restore my trust in people—and as I learnt about the system that creates us and connected to professionals who facilitate adoption and the processes they follow, I came to understand how and why it’s so difficult to dismantle broken systems.
Lessons I’ve Learned Along the Way
Lesson 1: Build from a Solid Base & Form Strong Relationships
Advocacy is about relationships—with adoptees, allies, and institutions. I’ve worked for over 20 years to represent and bring with me a variety of our global voices at government, NGO, and UN spaces.
Gather your community—not just those who share your experience, but also those who challenge it respectfully. Real advocacy represents the collective with all its diverse views and experiences.
I take an approach of personally connecting 1:1 with adoptees and leaders in my network. It helps to build trust and understanding, especially in times of conflict.
Don’t forget to find allies and collaborators – those who want to support your community. Respectful collaboration is key.
Lesson 2: Know the Systems & have a Strategy
Learn the international frameworks (e.g. The Hague, UNCRC), national laws, and key influencers.
Keep up to date with what is happening from a debate, research, and reform perspective.
Advocate with Integrity by challenging systems, not people. This means, be respectful, factual, and solution-focused while maintaining a professional tone even when emotionally impacted.
Learn when to speak up, and when to listen.
Understand the levers of power: who can make decisions and how they’re influenced.
Look for windows of opportunity (e.g., elections, reviews, reform proposals).
Strategy matters as much as conviction.
Lesson 3: Expect Internal and External Conflict
In the adoptee space the bedrock of our shared experience is trauma. It impacts everyone. Lateral violence (when we turn on our own) exists in our communities. Choose respectful dialogue over public takedowns i.e, learn to disagree respectfully. Know when to walk away or agree to disagree.
Change needs many voices, not one voice fighting everyone else. There’s room enough for all of our methods, approaches and voices.
I also want to make sure we are not naive to the costs of advocacy.
Lesson 4: Being an Advocate comes at a Price
I expose myself. I get judged. I get publicly attacked and targeted by critics. Be mindful that not everyone in advocacy spaces is healed or self-aware.
The pace of change is always too slow. Patience is definitely a virtue!
Listening to countless painful stories can cause vicarious trauma. That’s why I stress the importance of self-care—having mentors, professional support, and passions outside of adoption are vital. For me, sport, a range of hobbies and family life are grounding. They offer me space away from advocacy and help restore balance.
The burden of educating others is very real. Just remember, you don’t have to take on this burden. Do it only if it nourishes you. We have to look after ourselves first! You can’t pour from an empty cup and if you want to be in it for the long haul, set firm boundaries, take breaks, and nurture your key relationships. This cause is important—but it is not your only responsibility.
And lastly, meaningful advocacy grows with time, reflection, and humility. Advocacy is not just about speaking out—it’s largely about transforming ourselves from within but also the systems and processes that create and impact us from outside. We become advocates because this is our life, our experience, and our communities matter!
Together, we heal, we grow, and create the world we wished we’d inherited. “We carry not just our pain—but the power to change what caused it.”
I invite each of you—wherever you are on your journey—to be part of that change.
Thank you.
Advocacy Resources
What is advocacy and a Guide to be Successful in Advocacy
https://www.opensocietyfoundations.org/uploads/99ce7dec-9e89-40b1-ad88-7db45b4d68a5/guide-to-successful-advocacy-20100101.pdf
How to Start
https://commonslibrary.org/lobbying-and-advocacy-start-here/
Core steps in advocacy
https://www.socialventures.com.au/sva-quarterly/seven-steps-to-effective-advocacy
https://guideinc.org/2021/03/01/six-keys-to-effective-advocacy/
https://www.gcu.edu/blog/language-communication/tips-becoming-effective-advocate
Types of Advocacy
https://www.humanrightscareers.com/issues/advocacy-types-examples-principles/
Guidelines to looking after your mental health whilst being an advocate
https://www.livedexperienceaustralia.com.au/tips/being-an-effective-advocate
Other Resources
Adoptees as experts and influencing international standards through advocacy