by Andrea Kelley, adoptive mother based in the USA, founder of Beteseb Felega – Ethiopian Adoption Connection : providing search/reunion for Ethiopian adoptees and families
Many Ethiopian adoptees are labeled “abandoned,” meaning no family details were recorded—just that one word where parents’ names should be.
“Abandoned” is a harsh word, loaded with negativity—evoking ideas like rejection, neglect, and betrayal. In contrast, its opposites—like cherish, support, and reclaim—speak to care, connection, and recovery.
In adoption, “abandoned” simply means no family information was provided—but it says nothing about what truly happened. It hides everything that came before: whether the child was taken, left willingly, or lost through tragedy. We can’t know if a mother died, if there was coercion, or if love was present. Yet the word carries a heavy assumption—that the child was unwanted.
In the Ethiopian adoption context I work in, “abandoned” is often inaccurate—and sometimes outright false. The label was frequently used to fast-track adoptions, with no one to challenge it. We can’t know a parent’s intent or the truth behind the missing information until we hear directly from the parents or family.
“Abandoned” is just a technical label for adoptions with no background information—but it’s a terrible word, and we need a better one.
In the Chinese context, phrases like “left to be found” suggest a story we can’t verify. Instead of “abandoned,” we need terms that reflect uncertainty without blame—like unaccompanied child, child separated from parents, or no background history provided (noting that the child does have a history—we just don’t know it). “Adopted as abandoned” or “listed as abandoned” are more honest alternatives—they acknowledge the label without assuming the truth behind it.
For our organization, “abandoned” is simply a technical term meaning no background information was provided at the time of adoption.
Reasons a child could be listed as “abandoned”
Before assuming a child was truly “abandoned,” we must acknowledge: unless we’ve spoken directly with the mother, father, or closest relative, we simply don’t know. There’s no story—just missing information. That said, based on over a decade of reuniting Ethiopian adoptees with their families, we’ve identified several common scenarios behind why a child may be listed as “abandoned.”
A discussion of some “abandonment” scenarios
When children are truly left behind, it’s rarely a choice—it’s desperation. In Ethiopia, poverty, social stigma, and the harsh taboo against unwed motherhood can leave women isolated and without support. With few safety nets, some leave their child in a place they hope is safe—an orphanage, police station, or with someone they trust.
But not all “abandoned” children were actually abandoned. Some were victims of fraud, coercion, or trafficking—adopted under false pretences by bad actors exploiting the system. In this situation, there are other reasons:
- Sometimes a child is taken to an orphanage by a relative or friend—without the mother’s knowledge—and falsely reported as abandoned, either out of misguided help or for compensation.
- In other cases, a child is placed in temporary care, but later adopted abroad without consent, effectively stolen or trafficked.
- At times, mothers or relatives may agree to falsely report the child as found abandoned, often under pressure or limited options.
- Some children are taken and left by others for personal reasons.
- Too often, agencies and orphanages processed these cases as “abandoned” regardless of how the child arrived—because that label made intercountry adoption easier. Foreign agencies rarely questioned it, and local workers often enabled it.
It’s striking how often people claim to “know” where mothers came from—like saying, “they were all from X university”—yet admit they’ve never met a single one. By definition, abandoned means we don’t know the story. Still, harmful myths persist, from agencies claiming a child was “unwanted” or the mother a prostitute, to public speculation rooted in stigma, not fact.
Why abandonment search cases are so hard to solve
Many adoptees labeled “abandoned” have no leads—no names, no details, no one who remembers them. One such child inspired the creation of our organisation. These cases are especially hard to solve because:
- Police at the time prioritised the child’s care over future evidence, unaware searches would happen years later.
- Some mothers, though rare, choose not to come forward—often to protect their current lives in contexts of poverty, stigma, or survival.
- Mothers may have moved on or passed away, with no one else aware of the child.
- Record keeping was often poor across orphanages, agencies, and police.
- In some cases, individuals may have deliberately hidden the truth.
- Each case holds its own complexity—but lack of information doesn’t mean lack of a story.
Roadblocks in searching “abandoned” child cases
Many children were labeled “abandoned” to speed up adoptions—serving the convenience and job security of those on both the Ethiopian and foreign sides. Another key factor: the widespread belief in Ethiopia that going abroad is a dream come true. This mindset makes it hard for some to see the deep cost adoptees pay—losing their families and histories. We often hear, “Why search? They’re lucky to be abroad.” Such thinking may have led orphanage staff to cut ties deliberately, believing they were helping. As one Western agency put it: “We were getting them out.”
Sadly, many orphanages now resist cooperating with searches. They fear exposure of past mistakes, even though our mission is reunion—not blame. Some hide behind claims of “child privacy,” worried that sharing files could implicate them in unethical adoptions.
Even adoptees requesting their own records are sometimes told to come to Ethiopia in person—an expensive and uncertain journey. That’s why our team on the ground works to advocate and assist, making searches possible when systems fail.
Conclusion and hope
Many “abandonment” cases can be solved—especially through DNA. At Beteseb Felega – Ethiopian Adoption Connection, we test Ethiopian mothers and families searching for lost children, and verify all matches. This not only confirms reunions but builds a growing DNA database that can help others.
Some “abandoned” children weren’t truly abandoned—they were left with someone known, but the truth was hidden during adoption. Our online database and DNA work have already reunited many such families.
Ultimately, it’s not the label “abandoned” that matters—it’s the missing story. And finding family is the only way to reclaim it.