by Marta Weber, adopted from Ethiopia to the USA
I have been slow to share with people about my reunion. I think it’s because there is just so much left to unpack and my mind could only do little pieces at a time.
This snapshot was one of those moments where I saw family traits. The way we sat and positioned ourselves. Even hearing from people that they had a hard time finding me in the picture because I looked so much like my sisters.
My sisters continue to be a blessing to me. Kind and encouraging and so willing to share in my joys and sorrows. I have always been blessed with incredibly supportive friends, but I never had biological siblings.
There were so many moments of joy next to moments of heartache as I told my sisters and my mom what my life has been like. I tried to spare them the details and pain, but they were ready to hear it all. The immediate acceptance and unconditional love was something I had never experienced.
I always felt like I had to prove my worth and value. Probably because I was made to question my worth to outright being made to feel worthless. The sharp contrast showed me what I had been missing most of my life.
What absolute irony that I was given up to have “a better life” only to come back to an actual better life. I think somewhere deep in my heart I always wanted my biological mom. This person who I didn’t know even what she looked like. What I found was someone who is more loving then I could have ever imagined. Someone who never stopped looking for me, who just wanted the chance to be my mom.
As I reflect about other adoptees, I grieve for the lies they are told, the time lost with their families. The deception from the industry that is adoption, leaving our families (mother, father, siblings) wondering where their child is and if we will ever meet again. The absolute panic of not knowing if the child is dead or alive and realizing they had been duped into making a permanent choice that no-one fully recovers from. This is adoption and this is reunion. Nothing simple about it and no pretty bow.
Resources
Reunion and Beyond in Intercountry Adoption (Webinar)
Being Illegally adopted and a Forced Reunion
Reunification with my Colombian Family
Searching organisation who helped Marta’s biological Ethiopian family successfully find her: Ethiopian Adoption Connection / Beteseb Felega (EAC) based in the USA