헤이그 특별위원회의 입양인

다음 주 7월 4일부터 8일까지 104개국 1993년 5월 29일 아동보호 및 국제입양 협력에 관한 협약 에서 온라인으로 함께 모일 것입니다. 특별위원회 회의 토론하다 입양 후 그리고 불법/불법 입양 문제. 보통 5년에 한 번씩 열리는 의미 있는 행사로, 이번이 처음이다. 넓은 참석하는 국제 입양인의 대표 관찰자. 역사적으로 2005년부터 국제한인입양인협회(IKAA)), 한국 입양인의 이익을 대표하는 네트워크는 참석할 입양인 단체. 2015년, 브라질 베이비 어페어(BBA) IKAA와 함께 참석한 두 번째 입양인 주도 조직이었습니다. COVID로 인해 이번 특별 위원회 회의가 연기되었으며 지난 몇 년 동안 저는 입양인 주도 조직 사이에 HOW 적용에 대한 지식을 전파하고 다음과 같은 현장 경험 조직을 장려하는 데 도움을 주었다고 자랑스럽게 말할 수 있습니다. 금파 (한국 어머니 단체)를 대표합니다. 올해 우리는 자랑스럽게 6 입양인은 자신과 지역 사회를 대표하는 조직을 이끌었습니다. 우리는 진행했다!

2015년에, 나는 블로그 제목을 썼습니다. 국제 입양인의 목소리가 중요한 이유 이 웹사이트에서. 저는 수년에 걸쳐 정부 논의의 최고 수준에 우리의 목소리가 포함되는 것의 중요성에 대해 옹호해 왔습니다. 그래서 다시 말하지만, 우리의 목소리는 이러한 최고 수준의 채택 정책, 관행 및 입법 논의에서 매우 중요합니다.

일부 비평가들은 우리가 이러한 회의에 참석해도 국제 입양에 있어 아무 변화가 없다고 말할 수도 있지만, 저는 우리가 성인의 모습을 숫자로 나타내는 것을 보는 것만으로도 정부와 당국이 몇 가지 핵심 사항을 깨닫는 데 도움이 된다고 제안하고 싶습니다.

  • 우리는 성장합니다! 우리는 영원한 아이로 남아 있지 않습니다.
  • 우리는 우리와 같은 미래의 아이들에게 일어날 일에 대해 발언권을 갖고 싶습니다.
  • 우리는 그들이 우리의 진정한 "누구"에 집중할 수 있도록 도와줍니다! 우리는 이름 없는 숫자나 통계가 아닙니다. 우리는 실제 감정, 생각 및 무수한 경험을 가진 살아있는 사람들입니다. 그들의 결정은 중요하고 우리의 삶과 미래 세대에 영향을 미칩니다!
  • 우리는 그들이 미래를 위해 더 나은 것을 만들고 역사적 잘못을 바로잡기 위해 과거로부터 교훈을 배우도록 돕습니다.
  • 우리는 실제 경험의 전문가이며 그들은 우리의 의견을 활용하여 자신의 역할을 더 잘 수행하고 취약한 어린이를 돌보는 방식을 개선하기 위한 통찰력을 얻을 수 있습니다.

헤이그 협약 프레임워크의 장점 중 하나는 입양인이 국제 입양을 정의하고 생성하는 권력 구조 및 당국에 대한 가시성과 접근을 가질 수 있는 다가오는 특별 위원회와 같은 기회를 창출한다는 것입니다. 국내 입양인은 전 세계적으로 이러한 프레임워크가 부족하고 옹호 활동에 중요한 정보와 사람들에 접근할 수 있는 기회를 함께 갖는 데 불리합니다.

올해 회의에서 ICAV를 대표하는 8명의 팀이 정말 자랑스럽습니다. 다양한 경험을 하는 것이 매우 중요하기 때문에 다양한 입양 국가와 출생 국가를 다룰 수 있도록 했습니다. 예, 여전히 개선의 여지가 있지만 우리 모두가 자원 봉사자로 이 일을 하기 때문에 사람들의 가용성과 다른 약속에 의해 제한되었습니다. 우리는 이번 회의에서 정부나 대부분의 NGO 참가자로서 급여를 받지 않습니다. 우리는 커뮤니티를 위해 개선하려는 노력에 열정을 가지고 있기 때문에 참여합니다! 우리의 경험을 정의하는 권력 구조에 대한 지식을 갖추는 것이 필수적입니다.

우리의 글로벌 커뮤니티를 대표하기 위해 밤낮으로 4일의 시간과 노력을 자원 봉사하는 이 입양인들에게 큰 감사를 드립니다!

  • 애비 포레로-힐티 (미국 입양, 현재 캐나다 거주, 콜롬비아 출생, 콜롬비아 입양인 선집 저자 우리의 기원을 해독, 콜롬비아 Raíces의 공동 설립자; ICAV 국제대표)
  • 아샤 볼튼을 소중히 (미국에 입양, 인도 태생, 대통령 윤리 입양 개혁을 위한 사람들 PEAR; ICAV USA 대표)
  • 콜린 캐디어 (프랑스에 입양, 브라질 태생, 대통령 La Voix Des Adoptes LVDA)
  • 지니 글리에나 (미국 입양, 필리핀 태생, 공동 설립자 입양인 Kwento Kwento)
  • 주디스 알렉시스 어거스틴 크레이그 (캐나다 입양, 아이티 태생, 의 공동 설립자 성인 입양인 네트워크 온타리오)
  • 카일라 정 (미국 입양, 중국 태생, ICAV USA 대표)
  • 루다 메리노 (스페인에 입양, 러시아 태생)
  • 내 자신, 리넬 롱 (호주로 입양, 베트남 태생, 설립자 ICAV)

우리는 자신의 입양인 주도 조직을 옵저버로 대표하는 입양인 동료와 함께 자신을 대표합니다.

저는 이번 회의에서 큰 변화나 기념비적인 사건을 기대하지 않지만 입양인인 우리 자신과 또는 대표되는 다양한 정부 및 NGO 조직 사이에 관계를 만드는 것이 중요합니다. 이 공간의 변화는 수십 년이 걸리지만 시간이 지남에 따라 자라나는 작은 인연들이 쌓여서 긍정적인 영향이 되기를 바랍니다.

다음 몇 개의 게시물은 입양 후 지원에 관한 헤이그 특별 위원회 회의를 준비하기 위해 우리 팀의 일부가 작성한 주요 메시지와 이 리더를 통해 커뮤니티가 공유하고 싶은 내용을 공유할 것입니다. 계속 지켜봐 주세요!

EMDR 치료에 대한 입양인의 의견

~에 의해 Gabriela Paulsen, adopted from Romania to Denmark.

EMDR Therapy Changed My Life!

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy for me, involved the therapist moving 2 fingers in front of my head so the eyes are moving side to side, while I was thinking about a trauma event. The stimuli can also be something I hold in my hand which is vibrating or it can be tapping done by the therapist. The eye movements help the brain to take up the trauma and reprocess it again, so it does not disturb me in daily life. During the eye movements, I sometimes had different reactions such as crying or maybe some body sensations like getting hot or fast breathing because my body experiences the trauma event again. There can many kind of different reactions and the tricky part is that I had no idea how I would react until I tried it!

In my case, I wanted to work with a trauma I had from my time in Romania as an orphan, I think it was from the orphanage, but I am not completely sure as it could also be a memory from my time in hospital.

My trauma was a memory I only got when I was sleeping and when the trauma was about to occur it felt like I might pass out and loose control. In that moment I knew that I would relive the trauma event again. I experienced the nightmare quite often as a teenager. The last time it happened, was around 10 years ago, just before I turned 17-18 years old. The trauma event felt extremely real. I was very scared and after I woke up, I was completely paralysed with fear. I had always thought this was something real, so when my therapist recommended EMDR therapy for me, I said yes and we started to work with this trauma. I only have my nightmare to work from, so it was not much. I had absolutely no idea whether I would react or not and it was actually quite difficult to think about such an old memory during the eye movements!

Session 1
On my first session of EMDR, it took a while before I started to react. I started to sit as if paralysed, I could only look straight forward and talked more slowly because it felt like I was put into a hypnotic state of mind. I then started to remember more of the trauma and I starting to breath faster even though it felt like I was holding my breath. My body was definitely starting to prepare for the trauma event memories and I felt very alert.

After that session, my brain continued to work with the trauma, which is expected. I could feel it because I was very alert, I was scared of being in a dark room and of some gloves I had because they are a symbol of a hand. During a work day, there was a potentially dangerous situation of a woman who was very threatening towards one of my colleagues, who reacted with aggression. I got extremely tense because of that and I was breathing like hell because I was ready to fight. It was a huge and shocking reaction I had and I couldn’t talk properly because of my breathing, so I had to take 5 minutes break to calm myself.

Session 2
I had problems getting my mind to go back into the trauma so my therapist and I had a short break from the eye movements to relax and help me get back into it. After a while I started to react with the paralysed / hypnotic state of mind and quick breathing but within myself, it felt silent and it appears like I am not breathing. After a while, I wanted to move my arm but directly afterwards I regretted this because I immediately felt like I did something wrong. Later, I started to remember more, it was like a part of me was revisiting the traumatic event. It was very interesting to explore because I got new information about my trauma. After going deeper and deeper into the trauma my breathing got faster and faster and suddenly I felt like I was about to break down into tears. I continued for a few minutes more and then I stopped doing the eye movements because I got very sad, I was crying and then my breathing was changing to be very big and deep, from within my stomach. I could feel my bones in my back so much from the heavy breathing. During this, I experienced the most insane feelings inside of me whilst my tears were running freely.

I didn’t understand at the time what happened because my brain was in the present and yet my body was reliving the trauma I had experienced. It was very hard to feel the trauma again. I thought that I must have looked like a person getting raped or tortured. It was a completely insane experience and afterwards I felt very confused about what happened and I asked my therapist to explain it to me.

Afterwards, I was extremely tired and my whole body felt very heavy. My muscles in my arms felt like they had lifted something way too heavy! I was also very alert and the rest of the day and the next 3-4 days, I was in this stressful state of mind. I would feel suddenly deep sorrow and tiredness several times a day without knowing why. It was literally like something was hurting inside me several times a day and like something wanted to come out of my body but I was with family, so I worked very hard to not break down and at the same time, I felt like I couldn’t get the emotions out either. It was very confusing. I also started to not like high noises and I felt scared if there where many people too close around me, like when I was on public transport. I usually do not have such problems. I was still scared of darkness and sometimes I got scared without knowing why. One of the times I was scared I was thinking about the woman who had caused my trauma.

I felt like I didn’t want to sleep after I have my nightmare about my trauma, because I was so scared!

Session 3
After 3 weeks, I was going to do EMDR again and I was very nervous and exciting about what would happened. The night before therapy I had a very short nightmare again which had not happened for around 10 years! This time, it was like I was further in the trauma event as compared to in the past, I had only ever dreamed as if I was at the beginning. In the nightmare some people were about to do something that I definitely didn’t like and I was thinking “stop”, so the nightmare ended extremely short. It felt like a few seconds but it was enough for me to feel again how I actually felt during the trauma event from years past. The next day, I was very stressed and actually scared.

During EMDR therapy session after this, I felt like my eyes were working against me, not wanting to participate. So I talked with my therapist about how I had completely closed down because of the nightmare. I didn’t have huge reactions during that session nor the next 2 sessions. In the last EMDR session, I could nearly get the image of the trauma event in my mind and I no longer felt scared – it was as if the trauma no longer affected me as powerfully as before. Between the sessions, I have felt very bad mentally but one day, it was like gone completely and I felt much happier, more relaxed and not as chronically tense. I also stopped having problems sleeping in a dark room – in the past, a completely dark room signalled that the re-lived trauma would occur.

In the past and prior to doing EMDR therapy, I would get anxiety from the outside getting dark, or having many people around me and high noises. Now all of these things are no longer a problem so I feel like I can go on living as myself once again. My friends have also told me that I seem more relaxed and most importantly, I feel a huge difference in my life!

I can highly recommend EMDR therapy for adoptees especially when it comes to trauma that the body remembers. I feel like I have healed my body and let out a terrible experience. Before EMDR therapy, I didn’t understand that my body was reliving such huge trauma all the time and how much it was impacting me.

자원

입양인으로서 올바른 치료법 찾기

Screening for an adoption competent therapist

포기와 입양에 내재된 트라우마

우리는 여전히 더 많은 대중에게 다가가고 포기와 입양의 고유한 트라우마와 손실에 대해 교육하려면 갈 길이 멉니다. 이를 지원하기 위해 입양에 국한되지 않은 공간에 연결하여 메시지를 공유하려고 합니다.

나는 최근에 우리의 전문가를 위한 비디오 조직에 스텔라 외상 후 스트레스 장애(PTSD)에 대한 의학적 치료를 제공하는 성상 신경절 블록(SGB). 일부 입양인에게 효과가 있을지 누가 알겠습니까? 포기로 인한 우리의 트라우마는 종종 우리에게 어린 아이나 아기에게 일어났기 때문에 언어가 없습니다. 그래서 저는 많은 입양인들이 살고 있는 진행중인 정서적 지뢰밭을 안도하는 데 도움이 될 수 있는 새로운 치료법이나 옵션을 끊임없이 찾고 있습니다. SGB는 지속적인 트라우마로 인한 투쟁/도피 반응을 약화시키는 것을 전제로 합니다.

스텔라의 수석 심리학자, 닥터 샤우나 스프링거 그리고 파트너십 책임자인 Valerie Groth는 나와 채팅을 하고 우리의 비디오를 시청했습니다. 그때까지 둘 다 의사로서 포기와 입양에 내재된 외상에 대해 전혀 몰랐습니다. 그들은 나와 함께 대중 교육을 돕기 위해 영감을 얻었습니다. 그래서 이것을 촉진하기 위해 그들이 실시한 30분짜리 짧은 팟캐스트 인터뷰를 소개합니다. 이미지를 클릭하시면 들으실 수 있습니다 팟캐스트.

입양에 내재된 트라우마에 대해 이미 알고 있다면 여기에 있는 내용이 새롭지는 않겠지만 다른 사람들이 첫 번째 학습자의 관점에서 이해하는 데 도움이 되는 팟캐스트를 원한다면 공유하는 것을 고려할 수 있습니다.

우리는 또한 우리의 컴파일된 리소스 목록 트라우마와 입양 사이의 연관성에 대해 더 알고 싶어 하는 사람들을 위한 출발점으로서 전 세계 전문가로부터.

이름에 무엇입니까?

~에 의해 스테파니 김동희, 한국에서 네덜란드로 채택되었습니다.

이름은 그냥 "하지만" 이름입니까?

단어와 언어의 의미는 문자, 기호 또는 소리의 모음 그 이상입니다.

말과 소리에는 의미가 있고, 이는 상징이며 감정과 생각을 반영합니다. 이름은 당신의 정체성을 나타냅니다. 당신은 누구이며, 어디에서 왔으며 누구에게 속해 있습니까?

많은 입양인과 친부모 둘 중 하나 또는 둘 중 하나를 찾고 있는 모든 사람에게 명확한 답이 없는 질문입니다.

나는 김씨 집안의 넷째 딸로 한국 어머니 뱃속에서 인간으로 잉태되어 성장했고, 내가 태어나고 나서 부모님은 나를 동희(동희)라고 지었다.

나는 네덜란드 가정에 입양되어 새로운 이름과 새로운 성을 얻었습니다. 최근에 이것은 내 정체성을 '덮어쓰기'하는 것처럼 느껴지기 시작했고 더 이상 그것에 대해 기분이 좋지 않습니다.

네덜란드에서 자라 네덜란드 국적을 가진 한국 여성과 점점 더 가까워지고 있습니다. 내 한국의 정체성은 내 배경이며 내가 그 문화에서 자라지 않았음에도 불구하고 내 모습의 큰 부분을 형성합니다.

내 이름에 대한 느낌과 가족 이름에 대한 느낌 사이에는 약간의 차이가 있습니다.

나는 양부모가 나에게서 동희를 빼앗지 않고 그저 스테파니를 더해서 여기에서 더 쉽게 살게 해준 것에 감사한다. 차별이 몇 년 동안 사라지지 않았기 때문에 오늘날에는 여전히 서양식 이름을 갖는 것이 더 쉽습니다.

제 혈통과 한국 배경이 제가 제 성을 언급하고 싶은 곳이라는 것을 점점 더 느끼고 있고, 김 가족의 일원이 된 것이 자랑스럽습니다.

나는 이 이름과 이 이름을 사용하는 사람들과 문화 및 생물학적 가족 역사를 공유하지 않기 때문에 네덜란드 성 이름과의 연관성을 덜 느낍니다. 또한, 양아버지와 형제 외에는 그 가족들과 많은 접촉이나 연결이 된 적이 없습니다.

그래서 소셜 미디어를 시작으로 한국 이름으로 나를 알리는 것에 익숙해지기로 결심했습니다. 그것이 나에게 하는 일을 경험하기 위해, 그것이 나를 더 많이 느끼게 해준다면.

사람들이 내 이름으로 나를 편안하게 부를 수 있기를 바랍니다. 나는 어떤 이름이 내가 누구인지 가장 많이 생각나게 하고 집처럼 느끼게 하는 이름을 분류하는 데 도움이 될 것이라고 생각합니다. 둘 중 하나일 수도 있고 둘 다일 수도 있습니다. 나는 모든 결과에 대해 괜찮다.

재킷을 벗는 것 같아서 조금 노출되고 취약한 느낌이 들기 때문에 어떤 면에서는 불편합니다.

하지만 42년 이상 동안 네덜란드 이름으로 자신을 식별해왔기 때문에 괜찮습니다.

이것은 원래 Instagram에 게시되었으며 ICAV에 게시하기 위해 수정되었습니다..

자원

이름에 무엇입니까? 정체성, 존중, 소유권?

나의 입양인 여정

~에 의해 안나 그룬드스트롬, 인도네시아에서 스웨덴으로 채택되었습니다.

입양을 여행이 아니라 목적지로 생각했던 것은 그리 오래되지 않았습니다. 나는 내가 끝나는 곳까지 갔고, 초기에는 그 이유에 대한 답이 결코 없을 것이라는 것이 분명했습니다. 내 질문은 뒷좌석으로 옮겨져 몇 년 동안 거기에 머물렀고, 내가 연결하지 못한 타기, 내 자신의 시작을 관찰했습니다.

약 2년 전쯤에 어떻게든 뒷좌석에서 운전석으로 옮겨 두 손을 핸들에 얹었다. 내 질문에 대한 답은 아직 없지만 여전히 질문할 수 있다는 것을 깨달았습니다.

나는 묻는 것이 항상 그 대가로 오답이나 정답, 심지어 답을 얻는 것이 아님을 이해하게 되었습니다. 묻는 것은 나 자신, 내 자신의 생각과 감정을 인정하는 것에 관한 것입니다. 큰 소리로 놀라고, 화내고, 화내고, 좌절할 수 있도록 허락합니다. 물건, 장소 및 사람의 손실을 인식합니다. 그리고 때로는 답이 너무 미묘해서 거의 놓칠 뻔했습니다. 아침에 해가 처음 떠오를 때 눈물을 흘리는 것을 알아차리거나, 임의의 향기를 들이마실 때 특정한 갈망이 척추를 내려치는 것처럼 말입니다.

입양인으로서 과거의 상실을 인식하고, 이름을 지정하고, 구현하는 것에는 뭔가가 있습니다. 이유와 방법을 알지 못하더라도 말입니다. 우리 몸의 어딘가에 우리는 알고 있습니다. 몸의 어딘가에 그것은 여전히 있습니다. 축하하고, 슬퍼하고, 받아들이는 것이 모두 제 입양인 여정의 일부입니다.

Anna는 입양인을 위한 Guided Movement 및 Creative 워크샵을 제공합니다. 그녀를 확인하십시오. 웹사이트 무슨 일이 일어나는지 보려면!

입양은 심리적 감옥이 될 수 있습니다

How do I start over?

The question echoes in my brain every day here in Hawaii, now totally away from the relations of my former adopted life.

How do I live anew as one person in this world?

I left my adoptee ties that were technically governmentally bonded relations that I had no control over as a Filipino orphaned child circa 1980’s. For me, they had been total strangers and I didn’t have any oversight or support in post-adoption.

As time went on for me, I wasn’t able to have the fortune to get to know my biological family as after my reunion in 2012 in the Philippines, I decided to go my own way once I discovered our language barriers and my inability to confirm any facts on them.

So yes, fast-forward to current times and it is Sunday, and I have relinquished my bond of my adoptive ties for various reasons, and it hasn’t been easy but for me, it was necessary.

This break action has been mental, emotional and physical. Slamming this lever down included making physically strategic distance by moving far, far away on my own to the Pacific islands in 2019, re-establishing dual citizenship to my birth country in the Philippines in 2021, and civilly sending a kindly written email to my adoptive parents this year after my adoptive brother’s jarring and untimely death.

Additionally, the extended adoptive ties I’ve noticed can also naturally deteriorate with time itself after years of peaceful but gently intentional non-communication.

What happens after you’re on this path of annexation, you wonder?

For me, I’ve arrived at an interesting intersection in my adulthood when I’ve sort of returned to a former state of orphanhood with no real station in life, no bonds, all biological history, heritage and economic status obsolete all over again.

Doesn’t sound that appealing, I know! Tell me about it.

The perk is that instead of being a vulnerable child, I am a 36-year-old woman living in Hawaii. I have rights. I am in control of my wellbeing and fate. I have responsibilities. I drive my own car, I pay bills, I have funds; I have a job and I am not helpless.

I can take care of myself. So to me, the biggest perks are in being healthy and reclaiming my life, identity and sovereignty needed over my own needs and wellbeing.

So quickly the adoptee bond can turn into toxic relations if the parents are narcissistic or emotionally or physically abusive.

After the death of my adopted brother, who was also a Filipino American adoptee and died of severe mental issues and alcohol poisoning, I had a stark wake-up call of how these adoptee relations were silently impacting me too.

And I had to make better choices for myself, I would be risking too much if I ignored this.

It is like leaving a psychological prison, I told Lynelle on a weekend in May.

After some reflection, I realized that as a child and having to make structured attachments from being displaced, this legal bond fastens.

And as a displaced, vulnerable child, I think one falls privy to co-dependency, the need for a family structure overrides even the need for safety for his or her own wellbeing, like if abuses arise in this domestic home.

Or other aspects might not nurture the adoptee, like when the child isn’t being culturally nurtured according to their birth country.

Or when the parents or family members are financially and socially acceptable as to meeting criteria of adoption, but possess narcissistic personalities which is also detrimental to the child’s personal, emotional, psychological and cultural development.

A child stays glued and psychologically devoted to their family ties through development stages and on past adulthood because the need for foundational attachments is paramount to one’s psychological upbringing and success.

And if these ties are in any way bad for the adoptee early on, I think these relations that were once saving can quickly turn into a psychological prison because you are truly bound to these social ties until you’re strong enough to realize that you have a choice.

And you ~ 할 수있다 break out of this bond, this governmentally established bond, although possibly later on as an adult. And, with some finesse.

As an adult adoptee, from my experience adoptive ties that develop healthily or dysfunctionally, after a certain amount of time both types transitions into permanence to that adoptee. Adoptive ties mesh and fuse just the same as biological ties, once you’ve gone so long in the developmental process.

This adoptive relation is totally amazing when it’s good, like any good relationship.

The spin is that when there are issues plaguing the adoptive unit, which can be subtle, interplaying with the personality and culture of the adoptive relations, these issues can go totally disguised, unreported, and it can be toxic and the affects can last a lifetime.

From experience, I see that it is because the adoptee child is vulnerable and doesn’t know how to report issues in the relations, because the option isn’t even granted to them.

No one is really there to give or tell the adoptee child that they have these rights or options. When it comes to post-adoption, there isn’t much infrastructure.

Sadly, if dynamics are not supportive to the adoptee, in time, it can cost an adoptee the cultural bonds to their own birth country or the loss of their native language.

It can cost an adoptee their sanity and mental health.

It can cost an adoptee their self-esteem, which all bleeds and returns into the social sea of their placement or back out into other countries.

And, it can cost an adoptee their life.

On the upside, if the placement is good, it can save a person’s life as well! And it can allow this adoptee happiness and joy forevermore.

Each side of the coin both instills an adoptee’s human value and the toll the placement takes on every child who becomes an adult in society is also expensive, leading to exponential advantage and success in society, or potential burnouts.

For me, my adoptive placement was costly in the end. However, I was still able to survive, work and live. I was materialistically taken care of, thankfully.

I honestly think much was due to my own faith, offbeat imagination and whatever blind luck I was born with that all carried me through this.

Overall, this has been a total trip and my journey has been very far from embodying the traditional fairy tale adoption story.

So now, it’s time to do the hard work, an adoptee mentor messaged me today. But I can do it, we all can do it! It just takes good choices and regular upkeep.

Nearing the end of this post, I will share to my adoptee community that we have a choice especially once we’re of legal age. I’m sort of a wildflower in general, and a late bloomer, so I’m coming out of the fog and becoming aware now in my mid-thirties.

Yes, we have a lot to rear ourselves depending on the economic status we find ourselves in without our adoptee ties. But like other adoptee peer support has shared, you should not do this kind of thing by yourself. You can have support structures the whole time in this.

And yes, it is terrifying, because you will have to rebuild your sense of identity when leaving toxic family relations. As yes, it can be like rebuilding your identity all over again from when you leave them and start anew, as a now a self-made, sovereign person.

From a Hawaiian private school I work at now, 나는 문화적 정체성 구축이 현재에서 시작되며 과거의 가치, 역사, 교육 및 지혜 위에 구축된다는 것을 알게 되었습니다. 이제 하와이에서 집을 찾았으니 더 자세히 알아볼 수 있을 것 같습니다.

나는 또한 이 끝없는 여정을 계속하면서 커뮤니티와 공유하고 싶은 주간 목표를 위해 노력할 것입니다.

결론적으로, 만약 당신이 좋은 입양 가정에 있다면, 신의 축복이 당신의 재산을 축복하고 나는 당신에 대한 많은 사랑과 행복을 가지고 있습니다! 그러나 입양이 건강하지 않은 경우와 같이 유대 관계에서 분리해야 하는 경우 불가능한 것이 아님을 알아두십시오.

전문가 및 동료 지원은 매일 자유로 가는 길에 있습니다. 당신은 당신 자신의 주권을 만들 수 있습니다. 그것은 일을 할 것입니다.

ICAV에서 Desiree의 이전 게시물 읽기: 내가 입양되었을 때 잃어버린 것 그리고 그녀를 따라 위블리 또는 인스타그램 @starwoodletters.

달이 지금 내 생모가 될 수 있다면

~에 의해 록사스추아, 필리핀에서 미국으로 입양; 작가, 예술가.

내 스튜디오의 데스크탑 테이블에 있는 이 이미지를 공유하고 싶다고 생각했습니다. 입양 투쟁에서 교대와 움직임을 활용할 수 없었던 어느 날 밤에 만들었습니다. 나는 이야기 나누기, 자기 양육 일, 사색적인 글쓰기와 그림의 균형이 주변 세계를 탐색하고 번역하는 데 도움이 되었다는 것을 알게 되었습니다. 이 그림에서 나는 달과 함께 있어서 자연이 주는 편안함을 느꼈습니다. 즐기시기 바랍니다. 그것은 우리 자신과 다른 사람들에게서 구하는 부드러움의 한 단면입니다. 이제 달이 내 생모가 될 수 있다면 난 그걸로 괜찮아. 나는 밤을 밝히는 어떤 길이든 갈 것입니다.

Roxas-Chua에 대한 자세한 내용은 해당 팟캐스트를 참조하세요. 어딘가에 사랑하는 사람 그리고 책 수중에서 이름을 세 번 부르기.

미국—당신은 아시아계 미국인임을 자랑스럽게 생각하기 어렵게 만들었습니다

by Mary Choi Robinson, adopted from South Korea to the USA

As I sit down to my laptop it is May 2, the second day of Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Awareness Month and I reflect on Alice Wu’s The Half of It I watched last night to commemorate the first day of AAPI month. Watching the movie with my daughter, I thought how I wished it or something like it had been available when I was a teenager or even in my early twenties. To see an entire film focused on the life of a young Asian woman on the cusp of self-discovery and adulthood would have made me feel seen and a part of the fabric of American identity. So while this month is meant to showcase AAPI heritage I am not in fact proud to be Asian-American…yet.

I am sure my previous statement will elicit reactions from disbelief, to shock, to anger, and everything in between from varying groups of identities. So let me explain why I am not proud yet, how America made it nearly impossible for me to be proud, and how I’m gaining pride in my Asianness. As a Korean adoptee, raised by white parents in predominately-white areas, I have always navigated two racial worlds that often oppose each other and forever contradict my identity. The whiteness of my parents did not insulate or protect me from racism and in fact would even appear at home. When I first arrived to the US, my sister, my parent’s biological child, took me in as her show and tell for school with our parents’ blessing. Her all white classmates and teacher were fascinated with me and some even touched my “beautiful silky shiny jet black” hair, something that would continue into my early thirties until I realized I did ~ 아니다 have to allow people to touch my hair. Although I start with this story, this is not a piece about being a transracial, transnational adoptee—that is for another day, maybe in November for National Adoption Awareness Month—but to illustrate how my Asian identity exists in America.

As I grew up, I rarely saw other Asians let alone interacted with them. Instead, I lived in a white world full of Barbie, blonde hair and blue eyes in movies, television shows, magazines, and classrooms. The rare times I did see Asians in person were once a year at the Chinese restaurant to celebrate my adoption day or exaggerated or exocticized caricatures in movies and tv shows. Think Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Long Duck Dong in Sixteen Candles, or Ling Ling the “exotic gem of the East” in Bewitched. Imagine instead an America where Wu’s film or To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before 또는 Crazy Rich Asian 또는 Fresh Off the Boat 또는 Kim’s Convenience would have opened up for generations of Asian Americans. Rarely would I spot another Asian in the school halls. However, I could never form friendships with them, heavens no, they were real full Asians and society had taught me they were weird, ate strange smelly things, talked funny, and my inner adolescent warned me association with “them” would only make me more of an outsider, more Asian. In classrooms from K-12 and even in college, all eyes, often including the teacher, turned to me when anything about an Asian subject, regardless of whether it was about China, Vietnam, Korea, etc., as the expert to either verify or deny the material. I always dreaded when the material even had the mention of an Asian country or food or whatever and would immediately turn red-faced and hot while I rubbed my sweaty palms on my pant legs until the teacher moved on, hoping the entire time I would not be called on as an expert like so many times before.

My white family and white friends would lull me into a false sense of belonging and whiteness by association. That false sense of security would shatter when they so easily and spontaneously weaponized my Asianness against me with racial slurs during arguments. Of course, I was used to racist verbal attacks from complete strangers, I had grown up on a diet of it, but it especially pained me from friends and family. The intimacy of those relationships turned the racism into acts of betrayal. That was the blatant racism; the subtle subversive racism caused just as much damage to my sense of pride. As a young professional in my early twenties, a white colleague told me how beautiful I was “for an Asian girl.” A Latina student in one of my courses loudly and clearly stated, “The first day of class, I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to understand you and I’m so glad your English is so good!” And of course I regularly receive the always popular, “Where are you from? No, where are you really from?” Because Asian Americans, whether born here or not, are always seen as foreigners.

AAPI Awareness Month did not even become official until 1992. But anti-Asian sentiment in the US has a long history and was sealed in 1882 with the first national stance on anti-immigration that would be the catalyst for future immigration policies, better known as the Chinese Exclusion Act, coincidentally signed into law also in the month of May. In February 1942, the US rounded up and interned Japanese-Americans and Asian-Americans of non-Japanese decent after the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Now in 2020 amidst the global lockdown of Covid-19, anti-Asian attacks, both verbal and physical, have increased to startling numbers. As recently as April 28, NBC News reported Over 30 percent of Americans have witnessed COVID-19 bias against Asians. Think about that—this is Americans reporting this not Asian Americans. The attacks have been worldwide but this report shows what Asian Americans are dealing with alongside the stress of the pandemic situation in the US. Keep in mind the attacks on Asian Americans are not just from white folks, indeed we’re fair game for everyone as evidenced by Jose Gomez’s attempt to murder an Asian American family including a two-year old child in Midland, Texas in March. Let that sink in—a two-year old child simply because they are Asian! Asians are being spat on, sprayed, 그리고 worse by every racial group.

To help combat this current wave of American anti-Asian sentiment, highly visible leader and former presidential candidate, Andrew Yang advised Asian Americans in a 워싱턴 포스트 op-ed to:

“…embrace and show our American-ness in ways we never have before. We need to step up, help our neighbors, donate gear, vote, wear red white and blue, volunteer, fund aid organizations, and do everything in our power to accelerate the end of this crisis. We should show without a shadow of a doubt that we are Americans who will do our part for our country in this time of need.”

My reaction to Mr. Yang’s response bordered on anger at the implication for Asian Americans to continue the perpetuation of the model minority myth. The danger of which, besides reinforcing divides between racial and minority groups, extols the virtue of suffer in silence. Do not make waves, keep your head down, be a “good” American. Sorry Mr. Yang, I am finally gaining pride in my Asianess and I cannot and will not stay silent any longer.

아시아인으로서의 정체성에 대한 자부심을 얻는 데 평생이 걸렸습니다. 이제 나는 내 황갈색 피부와 짙은 아몬드 모양의 눈을 고맙게 여기고 더 이상 내 육체적 아름다움을 백인 여성과 사회가 우리 모두에게 강요한 표준과 비교하지 않습니다. 처음으로 나는 나 자신, 그리고 모든 아시아 여성과 남성이 아시아인이기 때문에 아름답지만 아시아인임에도 불구하고 아름답지 않다고 봅니다. 나는 더 이상 다른 아시아인을 피하지 않고 나와 닮은 사람들과의 우정을 소중히 여깁니다. 저는 아시아 요리, 문화 및 전통의 다양성을 탐구하는 것을 좋아하며 "아시아인"은 단일 문화의 단일체가 아니라 다양하다는 것을 기억하기 때문에 계속해서 이에 대해 배우고 있습니다. 이제 저는 반아시아인이나 인종차별적인 행동을 목격할 때 거부감이나 수용 부족에 대한 두려움 없이 말할 수 있고 그 순간을 가능한 한 가르치는 기회로 사용합니다. 나는 더 이상 흰색을 통과하지 못하는 것을 원망하지 않습니다. 아시아인으로서 자부심을 느끼고 있습니다.

Mary의 이전 블로그 읽기 My Adoption Day Is An Anniversary of Loss

국제 입양의 인종차별

ICAV를 운영한 24년 동안 국제 및 초인종 입양인으로서의 인종차별에 대한 생생한 경험을 종합한 논문을 한 번도 작성하지 않았다는 것이 믿기지 않습니다! 글쎄, 마침내 나는 이것을 해결했다! 이미 기한이 지났고 호주에서 개념을 만들기 위해 인권 위원회가 작업한 덕분에 이 작업을 완료할 수 있는 추진력을 얻었습니다. 국가 반인종차별 프레임워크 종이. 나는 신문을 읽고 우리 소수자 집단이 상담 대상 집단 중 하나로 언급조차 되지 않는다는 것을 깨달았을 때 행동에 충격을 받았습니다. 저는 개인 입양인 전용 포럼에서 인종 차별과 그 영향에 대해 오랫동안 공유해 온 커뮤니티에 가시성을 제공하기 위해 이에 대해 뭔가를 하고 싶었습니다. 전 세계의 동료 입양인들과 나눈 많은 대화에서 인종차별은 우리가 견디고 있는 가장 중요한 문제 중 하나이지만 대부분의 입양 문헌, 연구, 정책, 관행 또는 교육에서 거의 언급되지 않습니다. ICAV에서 우리는 인종 차별에 대한 인식을 높이고 국가 간 및 인종 간 입양과의 교차점을 알리는 것을 목표로 합니다.

여기 항복 우리는 호주 인권 위원회(Australian Human Rights Commission)를 위해 모았고 여기에 보충 보고서인 최신 ICAV 관점 보고서가 있습니다. 국제 입양에서의 인종 차별에 대한 생생한 경험. 우리의 논문은 인종 차별에 대한 우리의 경험에 대해 교육하는 데 도움이 되는 생생한 경험 입력 자료를 제공합니다. 우리는 또한 국제 입양인과 인종을 초월한 입양인을 더 잘 지원하기 위해 우리가 제안하는 사항을 응답에 포함합니다.

전문가와 입양 가족을 위한 추가 지원과 교육을 제공하기 위해 다음 달 5월 17일 화요일 오후 2시(AEST), ICAV는 웹 세미나를 개최합니다. 국제 입양인이 경험한 인종차별 목소리와 경험을 직접 전달합니다. 참석을 원하시면 참석 가능합니다 연락하다 ICAV를 통해 알려드립니다.

Perspective Paper 및 다가오는 웨비나와 함께 이 리소스가 국제 입양의 인종 차별에 대한 대화를 시작/계속하는 데 도움이 되기를 바랍니다.

인종차별에 대한 수엔 빌런드

2022년 4월 3일, 19명의 호주 국제 입양인 그룹이 호주 인권 위원회(AHRC)를 위한 ICAV 자문에 참여하여 다음을 개발했습니다. 컨셉 페이퍼 위해 국가 반인종차별 프레임워크. 우리는 거의 모든 입양 국가의 인종 토론에서 국가 간/초인종 입양인이 과소 대표되고 있다고 믿고 우리가 발언권을 갖고 있는지 확인하고 싶었습니다. 다음 몇 개의 블로그는 인종차별에 대한 우리의 생생한 경험과 우리를 더 잘 지원하기 위해 해야 할 일에 대한 생각에 대한 미묘한 통찰력을 제공하기 위해 참여한 입양인의 의견을 선별할 것입니다.

~에 의해 수엔 빌룬드, adopted from Vietnam to Australia, ICAV VIC Representative

Racism is here to stay. It is enmeshed in the very fabric of society, at every level. It manifests within us as individuals, at a systemic level pervading our policies and practices, reflected in our interpersonal behaviours and is accumulated and compounded in the base structures of our history, culture and ideology.

In order to mitigate the harm caused by racism we must be actively anti-racist. It is not enough to merely be “not racist”, as this, often results in a passive racism, which is as equally toxic as overt racism. Tolerance is a poor substitute for acceptance. Tolerance offers tokenism and indifference. Acceptance offers a place for all voices, a public validation as individuals and a genuine place at the table to self-determination.

Every person carries their racial biases differently. Acknowledgment of these biases on a personal individual level is important, however being open to listening, validating and accepting the experiences of others takes courage. 

My expectation within this forum, is to offer to an opportunity to broaden the discussion of anti-racism to embrace all forms and manifestations of racism within Australian society today. To offer encouragement to address the complex “grey” zones of racism. Through this broadening a more mature collective and inclusive voice will evolve, which I believe Australia is ready to share with the world.

The foundations of my identity lie amongst the chaos of war time Vietnam 1974. Within the first 3 weeks of my life, I experienced my initiation into the full audio and aromatic reality of war, surrounded by screaming and traumatised children and adults. Racial identity did not protect any of us from the horrors, what we all absorbed would remain forever with us as visceral burdens to tame. War and terror are the greatest levellers in stripping even the bravest to the very foundations of humanity. And then in one swift spin of the planet I would find myself a world away in the eerie quiet and calmness of Perth, Western Australia. This journey would also mark the beginning of a life’s self-education of racial fluidity. Being one heart and soul, but a chameleon of racial identities. Born of one culture, raised in another, looking as though I belong to one group, but in at my core, I belong to another, the duplicity and fluidity is complex and exhausting.

The need to feel safe, accepted, understood and validated seems to be a naturally human pursuit. As an intercountry adoptee the journey is complex and confusing. We slip into the cracks of racial stereotypes offering up apologetically a reason for inclusion or explanation for exclusion. Either way no matter where we are in our communities we are an anomaly. We are constantly offered up as a reminder that a book shouldn’t be judged by its cover and if you care to listen carefully, you will hear the simple request for safety and acceptance.

My childhood cultural identity was shaped through the lens of middle class suburban 1970’s Australia. It was fortunate that the primary school I went to attracted a good proportion of Asian immigrant families. This enabled me, at a young age to observe the “other” type of Asian. The Asian person who spoke the language, ate the food, complied with the Asian cultural norms, while they themselves were carving out the unique existence in post “White Australia Policy” era. It was clear to me from the very beginning that I was an “Asian variant”. I was to experience racial prejudice from all sides. My immediate family comprised of a white Australian adoptive mother, a white Dutch (first generation migrant) adoptive father and their two biological white sons. Straddling my home and school environments I began to acknowledge the fragmented racial identity which was uniquely mine.

I would learn to instinctively navigate the pros and cons of racial profiling expressed by adults and classmates. At times it afforded me a shield to hide behind, at other times it just bewildered me at how ignorant and entitled people could be. 

Teachers would regard me with the marginalising stereotype of female Asian student, this meant that no matter what I did, or didn’t do, I was considered polite, conscientious and studious. This enabled me to glide through my studies relatively smoothly. Where this backfired was when I would be herded together with all the Asian “look-a-likes” to be given special instructions in Chinese/Cambodian/Vietnamese. There were always a few of us that would simply shrug our shoulders, knowing it was too hard to explain to the teachers that English was in fact our only language. 

Classmate interactions were more complex. While they seemed to want to flex their insecurities through bullying behaviours, I suspect they would often leave these bullying interactions more confused and with increased insecurities about themselves. They would corner me and spit out racial slurs “Ching Chong!”, “Go back to where you came from!”, “Asians out!” with the standard accompanying slanted eye gesture. I learnt very early to lean into the bullying. To not turn away in shame or embarrassment, I summoned the  airs of entitlement I learnt from my white Australian family. It was an educational opportunity. I would not show weakness. So armed with a vocabulary not generally associated with a small Asian female of 11 years I would lean in and say with a perfect Aussie twang, “Get f***ed you immature ignorant bigot!” While they processed the response in stunned silence, I was already half down the hall or across the oval. When I think back to those times, I know in my heart I still hold a deep resentment toward those who racially vilified me. The fact I could still name those individuals today shows how deeply it affected me. I built a wall to protect myself, a tough persona that would later in life be softened with self-depreciating humour. 

Humour has become one of the most powerful tools for disarming awkwardness though it should be noted that humour can only be genuinely offered by me (the vilified) otherwise it can have the effect of adding insult or increasing alienation.

Australian society in general is getting better at navigating racially blended families. However, there have been times where an awkward visual double take or racial slur has been reconsidered once formal introductions have concluded. 

For example, my adoptive mother is the personified “white saviour” heroine and therefore in this narrative, I embody the role of a grateful saved soul. There is no place in this narrative version for reality and it only serves to perpetuate the stereotypes. This distilled classification of our relationship as an adoptive mother and daughter has resulted in a chasm of empathy where my experience of racial prejudice and marginalisation cannot be reconciled with my adoptive mother’s version of my lived experience. She cannot/will not acknowledge that I have/do experience any racial prejudice. It’s unfathomable and therefore remains a taboo subject between us. I would suggest a classic case of “colour blindness” which is the most common manifestation of passive racism. Let me strongly suggest that racial “colour blindness” is not a positive construct to build a relationship in. I don’t advocate for a monochrome world. It cancels out important conversations that need to be had to build empathy and understanding. It bypasses the integral act of individual and collective validation.

A typical interaction in a social setting with my white husband, would start with a few awkward glances while people assessed my proficiency in English. Once the conversation has warmed up a little, the question is always asked “How did you two meet each other?” At this point all newbies begin listening in the hope to hear some spectacular Tinder dating app story with me gaining Australian citizenship when we married. Sad to say the story takes an epic sad tone when it is revealed I was a baby from the Viet Nam war. The conversation moves very quickly from one set of stereotypes to another. The chameleon game is afoot. We have now moved into the Viet Nam war genre and to be honest the racial stereotypes are just as nauseating. As the conversation peters out, I am left with a very uncomfortable feeling that I might be the daughter of a B-Grade war romance story of a soldier and prostitute but on the positive side, I have ruled out that I am a “mail order bride” from Asia desperate to get my claws into a rich white “sugar daddy”. Either way, I always leave these gatherings feeling like I have shared way too much about myself, simply to justify my equal status at the table of white Australians. Needless to say, it’s exhausting and incredibly invasive. At times my inner evil chameleon just wants to re-enforce the stereotypes rather than use my life as an education case study. In the end I see curiosity is better than fear and putting examples forward and building knowledge is a slow continuous but necessary journey.

With regards to my children, I am conscious that they physically are racially ambiguous. They could have genetic origins from various backgrounds, but once I stand next to them then it becomes evident their dark features come from me and they are of Asian origins. My daughter has experienced racial slurs from having an Asian looking mother. It wasn’t until she spent her gap year in Viet Nam that she developed her own understanding of her origins. She has in fact spent more time in Viet Nam than me. 

School parent social groups are an interesting micro society and navigating them is a full-time job. In the private school my children attended I had two very distinct social groups that I interacted with. One was a group of Asian looking mothers where I felt like an honouree member. I learnt Asian cultural things and etiquette that I didn’t get elsewhere. I did a lot of listening. The other group were all Anglo-Saxon looking mothers and I was dubbed the “token” Asian (humorous chameleon!) These girlfriends understood how I saw the world. It’s in these situations that I reflect on the sophistication of my chameleon gift and in a positive moment reflect on the bridges I can construct between the groups just through listening and sharing.

There is a niche and powerful position that intercountry adoptees have in the conversation around racism and prejudice. It’s borne from the hybrid and fluid nature of our self-identities. We exist in the space between cultures and races. The triumphal story of our survival is in fact a narrative of weaving together of cultures, racial identity, tolerance and acceptance. Intercountry adoptees must reconcile the disparity between the physical and internal nature of racial identity, because at every turn we are challenging the stereotypes and presumptions. As an Asian in white Australia, we challenge the mainstream colonial stereotypes, as an Asian in Asia, we find ourselves challenging the long-held stereotypes in our birth culture. We belong to both yet neither wholly. 

내가 호주의 맥락에서 인종차별의 미래를 고려한다면, 나는 정부와 개인이 복잡성을 수용하도록 계속해서 도전을 제기할 것입니다. 단어를 찾고, 플랫폼을 만들고, 낙관적으로 리드하십시오. 정부와 기관의 정책과 관행에 내재된 체계적인 인종차별주의가 변화를 주도하도록 지속적으로 의문을 제기하고 검토해야 합니다. 주류 싱크탱크를 고정시키는 구조적 인종차별주의를 흔들어 놓아야 합니다. 불편하고 어려운 일이지만 호주는 이 일을 감당할 만큼 충분히 성숙했다고 생각합니다. 개인 간 인종 차별주의는 국제 입양인으로서 탐색하기가 매우 어렵지만 고정 관념에서 대체 현실을 표현할 수있는 자유는 구축하기에 좋은 플랫폼입니다. 내면화된 인종차별은 무미건조하고 매우 해롭습니다. 우리는 수동적인 관용에서 개인에 대한 능동적인 확인으로 이동하고자 합니다. 

연구와 자문을 위한 초당적 정치 지원은 효과적인 사회 변화에 참여하기 위한 필수 투자입니다. 책임성과 무결성을 위해서는 주요 이정표를 검토하고 평가하려는 확고한 노력이 필요합니다. 대중 인식 및 청소년 참여와 결합된 교육 자원은 모든 호주인을 위한 보다 성숙한 미래를 개발하는 핵심입니다.

Su-Yen에 대한 자세한 내용은 그녀를 읽으십시오. ANZAC 데이 리플렉션, 그녀의 공헌 이름에 무엇이 있습니까? 와 옹호 그린 상원의원 회의.

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