My day of reckoning with the Lutheran Church

What does it mean to be accountable?

Wow! What a day! 

On Friday 3 November 2023, I spent 4 hours in a mediated session with one of the organisations who accepted responsibility for my sexual abuse by my adoptive family. This was enabled as a direct result of the Australian Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Sexual Abuse. My claim took approximately 2 years and on 8 Nov 2022, my claim was accepted by 2 of the 3 institutions that I had nominated: the Lutheran church and the Australian Department of Home Affairs (Immigration). A victim can elect if they wish to have a Direct Personal Response (DPR) or not in which the apology is given to us face to face. I chose to hear their apology directly.

The role of the Lutheran church in my sexual abuse is that they had assessed my adoptive parents and given them permission to adopt a child from overseas. This adoptive family went on to sexually abuse me over many years from as early as 5 years old until I was 14 years old. In August of 2020, I had finally been brave enough to report my multiple abusers to the police.

In April 2023, the police case against my adoptive father ended. He did a deal with the prosecutor in exchange for reduced charges, of which he then went on to plead guilty to only 1 of the 4 charges, that charge was termed indecent assault, the other 3 charges were related to the many instances across various years. He is now on the Sex Offender Registry for the next 8 years. The other males (family / extended family) whom I reported to the police were let off due to being minors at the times of the crimes and due to the difficulty of proving their intent at that age. One of those had already suicided years earlier.

Providing me firstly with financial compensation showed me in action that the Lutheran church took my hurt seriously. Apologising and listening intently to what I needed to say .. wow! If only my adoptive parents had done what I’d asked for years while I had waited and stayed in the relationship, hoping that we’d be able to deal with the past. I had asked numerous times over 2 decades to take us to professional help, to help the family heal. But they never did. My adoptive father apologised a couple of times in letter and in person, but that was it. Towards the end, when I asked for financial compensation he declined stating he “didn’t believe in blood money”. What we ultimately needed was something like this royal commission process that allowed me to be compensated as an action, followed by a process of truly hearing, listening, reflecting, and connecting.

I have given so many talks in my many years of speaking and advocacy, but within the first 5 minutes of meeting with the Bishop in this DPR, I was overcome with emotion. Sitting across from me was the man who represented the Lutheran church in Australia and New Zealand, Bishop Paul Smith. As a victim of sexual abuse from whites males in power, it was a daunting moment to speak up for myself to a man who represented so much. But he patiently waited and then listened as I managed to get myself back together to go through what I’d prepared to talk about. 

Lynelle & Bishop Paul Smith

My purpose for the DPR was to ask the very top level of this institute to understand the deep impact their failings had on my life, long term and to see if they’d be willing to learn from those lessons and not just give me a token apology.

I talked about the relevant parts of my story that related to their ongoing foster care organisation – Lutheran Care. I talked about the impacts of needing thorough assessment of prospective parents, conducting followups, keeping proper records and having processes that ensured they take their responsibilities seriously. We children have to live the lifelong consequences of their assessments of parents, we have no say, we have no ally to turn to should those parents be unsafe. We are so much more at risk as adoptees, at least fostered children get followed up on to check if they are safe.

When Bishop Paul Smith spoke, his apology was genuine, heartfelt and from a place of remorse that his institution had caused so much hurt. It really was healing to hear and see that acknowledgment in person. 

Karen, an executive from Lutheran Care Specialist Services was also present. She too offered her apology and all of us together went on to have a wonderful conversation about the many issues I’d raised. The mediator Franca was professional and sensitive, doing a excellent job of leading us through and helping to clarify where needed and to record any outcomes agreed upon. My support person SC was just wonderful. Leading up to the day, she’d been the one guiding me and liaising with the Lutheran church when I got frustrated at the lack of experience and communications. SC has been a guiding light, encouraging me to be true to what I needed. I so appreciated her being there for me through out this process!

I was actually expecting a token apology and had very low expectations of the DPR process but I have been pleasantly surprised with how much it truly helped me heal a huge part of the hurt. I felt seen, heard, validated and recognised for the hurt that had occurred due to the Lutheran negligence to do their role properly and thoroughly as an adoption agency. 

The importance of having chosen a male figure to give my apology, is the representation on so many levels of how powerful white men in my life had failed me in so many ways. The most recent being in April this year, when my adoptive father pled guilty. The magistrate at the sentencing probably didn’t know I was on the online portal watching and listening. The language and way in which the magistrate spoke was appalling and another experience of a white man in power minimising my experience and demonstrating more empathy for my adoptive father than for me, the victim. The experience of the sentencing was extremely traumatic, especially to hear my many years of abusive experiences minimised by the magistrate who said my adoptive father “must have suffered a momentary lapse in judgement”! He praised my adoptive father for saving the state money by pleading guilty, he said he’d never seen anyone so remorseful and even questioned the defence attorney as to whether my adoptive father had to be placed on the Sex Offenders Registry.

I’ve not been able to talk about this publicly until now, 7 months later because it traumatised me so much! It was another example of a powerful white man in Australia doing me harm and refusing to recognise the responsibility they hold to treat vulnerable people with dignity and respect. That magistrate in turn reflected my adoptive father who also failed to treat me with dignity and respect in my childhood. Thankfully, Bishop Paul Smith was a different white powerful man who took his role seriously and validated my pain and could hold a lengthy conversation that was meaningful, thoughtful and sensitive to deep trauma.

I also thank the universe I was sent to Australia by that questionable Vietnamese lawyer who facilitated my displacement for if I’d been sent to any other country in the world – I would never have the opportunity to have healing like this. Australia, for all its flaws in royal commission processes and outcomes, the process does actually offer a far better route for victims than the police and criminal route which actually causes further trauma for many and definitely no justice for the victim. My wish is to have a powerful process like the royal commission for us intercountry adoptees, as victims of illegal adoptions! But that is another discussion which I leave for later.

Sharing this hopefully gives you some insight into how powerfully healing the day was. I await the official letter of apology I’ve asked for as a followup. It will be framed as a huge memento signifying how much I’ve lived through, the courage it took to get to that day to face the highest in power in the Lutheran church in Australia, and share my vulnerability hoping that it would be respected, heard, and validated. I have waited a long time to have my day of reckoning and it has been worth all the work and effort!

Thank you Bishop Paul Smith, Karen, Franca, SC, Tim, and Kathy for ensuring my DPR went smoothly and was a success.

I now await to hear from the Australian Department of Home Affairs (Immigration) as to when they will meet with me. It has taken them 6 months to respond to my request. Time will tell when, where and how that will go.

Ressources

Adoption, abuse and exclusion from the Royal Commission

Adopted for 32 years and now free!

Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse: reports

Victims of Illegal Intercountry Adoptions speak out at the UN

Adoptee presenters to the UN Committees and Special Rapporteurs

20 September 2023 is the first Year Anniversary of the publication of the UN’s Joint Statement on Illegal Intercountry adoptions.

I’m still buzzing with the incredible energy from the event and working collaboratively with our global community to present to the UN Committees and Rapporteurs as victims of illegal intercountry adoptions!

Our community is amazing when we can harness our power and work collectively!

It’s no small feat to overcome the individual traumas, in and ex-adoptee group politics, national and global politics, the power struggles and toxicity that can deter many individuals from stepping up to become an advocate whilst living the ongoing consequences of our illegal adoptions. But on 20 September we showed what can be achieved when we work together!

To watch the UN event again click here on this relier. To read the UN’s summary click ici.

To read ICAV’s collective paper that I presented in my 5 minute speech, presenting our lived experience and suggestions for how to move forward, click Anglais, Espanol, et français.

The paper represents input from adoptive countries (9): Australia, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, France, Netherlands, Sweden, UK, USA; and birth countries (19): Chile, China, Colombia, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Greece, Haiti, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Kenya, Malaysia, Mali, Peru, South Korea, Sri Lanka, Uganda, Venezuela, Vietnam.

To read my speech and hear our top 4 priorities of action, click ici.

To watch the incredible family voices of 3 countries of origin, see short 5 minute videos below which we played at the UN meeting.

Click on CC for subtitles in English

I’m so proud of the many who contributed and worked with ICAV to make the UN event the success that it is. Thank you for your trust in ICAV to represent your voice, to work with us to present, and to Voices Against Illegal Adoption (VAIA) for making this possible! May we one day see the end result of our efforts, which will still take no doubt years more work to achieve, but the momentum is growing as we push for the changes needed!

UN Committee members and Special Rapporteurs, France and Ukraine speakers, and Tamil mother

Ressources

Is my adoption illegal or illicit? (an easy to read guide)

Voices Against Illegal Adoptions (VAIA) Speak at the United Nations

One adoptee’s thoughts on the UN Joint Statement on illegal intercountry adoptions

Let’s talk about illegal and illicit intercountry adoptions

Webinar: Expérience vécue d'adoption illégale et illicite (hearing from the adoption triad)

Governments finally recognising illicit and illegal intercountry adoption practices

Suggestions d'expériences vécues pour répondre aux adoptions illicites (first ICAV global collaborative paper for the Hague Working Group 2020)

Degrees of being trafficked in intercountry adoption

Beauty in Diversity

There IS beauty in diversity! It’s a universal truth that we don’t have to be white skinned and fair to be considered beautiful but for so many transracial and intercountry adoptees like me, we can often grow up feeling like we are not as beautiful, especially when raised in isolated areas or with few racial mirrors.

Growing up in rural Victoria, Australia was challenging for me as I was often the only person of colour except for some Aboriginals. I absorbed an unspoken assumption that white is best and hence I felt ugly and ashamed of my ethnicity because I was always surrounded by white peers in the community, on the media, and within my adoptive family. These feelings were enhanced by comments I received all the time of being enregistré et rescued by white people and culture and assumptions of how lucky I was.

My white adoptive family were never taught that we would grow up feeling different, they were naively told, “Love her like your own and everything will be ok”. So my Asianness was rarely acknowledged, my country barely spoken about except in negative ways, and Asian people were considered “foreigners” but yet when I questioned this, the answer would be, “Oh, but you’re not one of them!” My family certainly didn’t understand how to help me look after my long black straight hair, or my darker skin. I got picked on for my flat nose and slanted eyes. Is it little wonder I grew up hating how I looked? I know I’m not alone in my experience because when I speak with some black adoptees, they also mention the lack of understanding by their white families on how to look after their black skin and hair, how people want to touch their hair as if it’s exotic and how they are treated by strangers because of the hue of their skin.

As a young adolescent, looking in the mirror and having my photo taken was immensely challenging as it confronted me with my non-whiteness. I internalised the shame of how I was different and doubled with feelings of abandonment and rejection, it meant my feelings of inferiority as a person of colour, ran deep within and it took me many years to learn self love!

So from this perspective, I wanted to utilise the ICAFSS small grants funding to create an event in Sydney, Australia that would give some adoptees the opportunity to feel proud of who they are, as people of colour, as a diverse group who share the complexities of this journey that only other transracial and intercountry adoptees can relate to.

I created a day where 10 adoptees could come together, be taught how to apply makeup on our differently hued skin and varying shaped eyes, have our makeup be fully done for us, get a portrait photo taken, followed later by going out to celebrate over a sumptuous meal.

Check out our short video of our incredible day together! It was just beautiful to see the joy and pride these adoptees felt in connecting together, learning about how to take care of themselves, and enjoy being in space with people like themselves!

We need more occasions like this in our community to help bring us together and celebrate our diversity! Aren’t they just a gorgeous bunch!

Un grand merci à

Lisa Johnstone from Relationships Australia ICAFSS for taking time out of her day to spend helping me setup, clean up, and supporting us all
Linzi Ibrahim for sourcing and organising the professional make up artist – Shay Gittany and assistant Chris
Relationships Australia NSW for providing us free use of their office and facilities
Relationships Australia ICAFSS for the funding via the Small Grants program
Australian Federal Government DSS for making this possible via ICAFSS



Pride in my Disability

par Maddy Ullman, born in China and raised in the USA.

I wrote this on the last day of disability pride month (July).

I started disability pride month at a conference on a panel discussing the intersectionality of disability and adoption. The audience heard me and my truths saying things like:

  • If someone handed me a magic cure today, that would get rid of all my disabilities, I wouldn’t take it. I don’t know who I’d be without disability and there’s beauty in that.
  • Disability has taught me to be adaptive and resourceful. I have more empathy. More drive.
  • I am so proud to call myself disabled and I have cultivated a full life with it.

That is my truth.

It is not my only truth, though. In all honesty, I am exhausted. I am angry. This world is not made for anyone with disabilities in mind. Lately, I’ve been feeling the weight of my existence. Let me tell you more. It takes so much more every day to exist and function in society with any health condition. I work hard just to exist. The people around me have to do more if the environment isn’t accessible.

Disability is the one of the few marginalised groups anyone can be a part of, at any time in their life. 

For the first time, I brought my walker to a conference. It absolutely saved me. The walker is something I’ve had to struggle with my vanity to use. Even though it helps me out so much. My walker is a beautiful red colour, carries so much, and I walk better with it. Still, it’s a struggle to use what helps me so much. There is accessibility but it’s usually far and hard to find. Little things like doors make all the difference. Especially when the doors are heavy.

I love my walker. What does it say about society and accessibility when it actually takes more thought for me to use what helps me? This internal struggle is something I’m always at war with. One day, I aspire to use my walker every day with pride.

I have to remind myself every day. Yes it’s okay for me to take up space. I am worthy of that space. I have to give myself permission to be enough. I am always prepared to make that space if it doesn’t exist on its own. Spoiler alert, I often have to carve it out with my bare hands. Every time I step into a room, I have to set the standard. I have to be extraordinary.

With all that said, I am choosing to honor disability pride month by allowing myself to sit in the discomfort. I give myself permission to be enough and live well without guilt and matter what productivity the day may bring.

Friends, please remember your existence is enough and you are worthy of whatever space you may hold. ❤️

Ressources

Navigating disability and rare medical conditions as an intercountry adoptee (webinar with Maddy Ullman)

Reunion and Beyond Webinar

On 30 July, I ran our La Réunion et au-delà webinar, part 2 of this series in searching and reunion in intercountry adoption. I couldn’t be more proud of our 8 panelists who did an incredible job of sharing some of the nuances and complexities involved! Thank you to each of them!

Ae Ra (born in Sth Korea, raised in Belgium), Alex (born in Romania, raised in Germany and New Zealand), Jonas (born in Haiti, raised in Australia), Sam (born in the Philippines, raised in the Philippines and the USA), Maria (born in Greece, raised in the USA), Ben (born in Guatemala, raised in the USA), James (born in Colombia, raised in Australia), and Raya (born in Russia, raised in Canada).

For those who are time poor, I’ve provided a time code so you can flick to the relevant parts. For those who want a summary of our key messages, they are also included as a pdf.

Time code

00:00:00 Intro – Lynelle
00:01:32 Why this webinar
00:07:16 Introduction of panelists
00:07:22 Ae Ra
00:09:17 Jonas
00:10:33 Maria
00:11:25 Raya
00:13:10 Ben
00:15:42 Alex
00:16:52 Sam
00:20:40 James
00:23:05 Questions 
00:23:15 What do you recommend in preparation for reunion?
00:23:30 Maria
00:28:33 Ben
00:32:20 Raya
00:35:25 What challenges have you faced in reunion?
00:35:42 James
00:40:22 Jonas
00:43:19 Raya
00:45:48 Ae Ra
00:49:35 Tips for a media facilitated reunion
00:50:05 Alex
00:51:34 How to deal with differences in language and culture?
00:51:51 Ben
00:55:38 James
01:01:04 What role do I want for adoptive family in / after reunion?
01:01:26 Alex
01:03:10 Jonas
01:06:34 Ae Ra
01:09:47 How do I support myself in reunion?
01:09:53 Jonas
1:11:14 Maria
1:16:12 Sam 
1:21:19 How do we manage the financial requests?
1:21:42 Sam
1:23:58 Alex
1:26:12 Ben
1:29:30 What’s it been like to find answers to your questions?
1:29:41 James
1:31:58 Raya
1:34:39 Sam
1:36:52 What role should government and adoption agencies have in reunion?
1:37:12 Ben
1:39:18 Maria
1:42:49 Ae Ra
1:45:56 Closing remarks and thanks

Résumé des messages clés

Cliquez sur ici for the Résumé des messages clés

Ressources

Part 1, Searching as adoptee experts in intercountry adoption

Summary of key themes from ICAVs 2016 Search and Reunion Perspective paper

Intercountry and transracial adoptee experiences of search and reunion

Roadmap to Reunion: a framework for a successful adoption reunion

International search and reunion: a conversation with Susan Cox

Complex family relationships in international adoption: Search, reunion and contact by Amanda Baden

Exploring the role of social media and technology in intercountry adoption reunions: considerations for social work practice

Ten things adoptees want their birth families to know about reunion

Adoption reunion: 5 things I have learned as an adoptee by Angela Barra

An adoption reunion roadmap (written by birth mother)

Preparing for search and reunion by C.A.S.E

Stages of reunion

What every adoptive parent should know about search and reunion

ISS Australia’s Review of their Intercountry Adoption Tracing and Reunification Service (ICATRS) 2016 – 2018 (provides lessons learnt and what the data demonstrated after 2 years of the service)

Huge thanks to the Australian Federal Government, DSS for providing Small Grants through Relationships Australia ICAFSS which allowed compensation to the panelists for their time and expertise.

Call me by my Name

par Ae Ra Van Geel, adopted from Sth Korea to Belgium

Thoughts after the adoption retreat July 2023

I was given a name,

from my grandma.

She called me ae ra

Last weekend for the 7th time, the annual summer retreat for adopted people took place in Zeist, Netherlands. 41 adoptees from different countries of origin (Mexico, Nepal, Bangladesh, Colombia, China, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Thailand, Netherlands, India and South Korea) got to share, experience, grieve, laugh, dance, sing and heal a little bit through systemic trauma work led by Hilbrand Westra.

When I introduced myself at the beginning of the weekend, I said that I was born as Song, Ae Ra but by adoption I grew up as Renate Van Geel, that Ae Ra grew bigger, that I am and always was her, even though I was never called that.

I didn’t suspect then that 3 days later when driving home I would dare to follow the desire to be called Ae Ra, also in the ‘outside world’.

It means more Korea, more me but inevitably also less Belgium and less the other. My neighbourhood is losing another piece of who they always knew. I’m also paying a price again, this time to be able to become more myself. I give up, I lose. Renate is getting smaller.

In addition to that, there will also be peace, it doesn’t all have to be immediately.

I’ll just start at the beginning: my name is Ae Ra. After almost 39 years, call me by my own name.

Thanks to my colleagues from @adoptieoplingen, an honor and also a pleasure to form with you this weekend.

Finally, a deep bow to everyone who was there, thank you for your presence, inspiration and strength.

Ressources

Qu'est-ce qu'il y a dans un nom?

Qu'est-ce qu'il y a dans un nom? Identité, respect, propriété ? (a collation of thoughts by adoptees)

Adoptee presentation to New Zealand

On 26 June, a panel of 6 transracial and intercountry adoptees adoptees from the ICAV network presented to the New Zealand Oranga Tamariki Ministry for Children teams who work in adoption on a variety of questions.

Click below to watch our webinar:
(If you are using Google Chrome, click on “Learn More” to view the video)

Time Code

For those who are time poor, I have provided a time code so you can skip to the parts you want to hear:

00:18 Peter McGurk intro
00:41 in English
03:47 Lynelle welcome and introductions of panelists
05:22 Alex K
06:09 Alex G
7:25 Bev
08:58 Gabby
10:58 Mike
11:38 Importance of consulting with a wide range of generations impacted by adoption – Lynelle
13:00 What is ICAV
15:46 ICAVs Vision
16:32 ICAVs main achievements
18:49 ICAVs key achievements Australia
22:20 ICAVs current priorities
24:28 What are some of the distinct stages adoptees go through in our lifetime
33:52 The need for post adoption support services
34:11 Alex
37:46 Mike
40:22 Bev
42:07 Understanding racism
42:19 Mike 
46:15 Gabby
51:51 Search and reunion
52:14 Alex 
1:02:35 Key messages for workers in adoption
1:03:01 Alex
1:05:56 Gabby 
1:09:28 Bev
1:13:32 Main issues for Central Authorities to think about – Lynelle
1:22:34 Peter and close

Messages clé

For those who would like a Résumé des messages clés, click ici for our pdf.

We thank Peter McGurck and the New Zealand Oranga Tamariki Ministry for Children for asking us to present to their adoption teams!

Ressources

ICAVs resources on Search and Reunion

ICAVs resources on Racism

ICAVs Video Resource for Professionals (with subtitles in English, French, Spanish, Italian and Swedish)

ICAVs advocacy over the years

Reunification with my Colombian Family

by Anonymous, adopted from Colombia to Australia

I was born in Cali, Colombia in 1993 during the midst period of civil war, disruption, political instability known as ‘la Violencia’. This period saw the degradation and exploitation of state civil services through corruption, war and systematic racism, which in turn resulted in tremendous damage to the lives, human rights and cultural heritage of millions of Colombians, Afro-Colombian and Indigenous Colombians whom who were displaced from their tradition lands an often subject to violence and systematic oppression.  As a result of these circumstances and internal corruption within the adoption industry, I was separated from my biological mother and adopted to Australia at the age of one. I have a close but complex relationship my adoptive family.

Growing up, I loved to be outside and activate like most Aussie kids at the time and spent most of my time, fishing, kicking the footy around, and riding bikes around the neighbourhood with friends.

While I was always social and enjoyed making friends, I also struggled with bullying, racism, and the spectre of isolation/identity crisis/lack of racial mirrors that many of us adoptees experience.  I fondly remember finding refuge and solace in books, stories, myths, and legends, everything ranging from magical fantasies like Harry Potter and the Homer’s Iliad to biographies and the encyclopedia on the Fall of Rome.

I distinctly recall being in grade 1 and recall reading Harry Potter and afterward, daydreaming about an imaginary time when my biological family would appear in a fireplace one day, tell me I was a wizard and take me off to enrol at Hogwarts with the other Wizards.

As a child, although I recall some intense moments of isolation and loneliness, I also had a close relationship with my younger brother, immediate and extended family who always made me feel welcome and as part of the family. It is only as I entered by teenage and adult years that these relationships began to shift and change, not as a result of any ill intent but largely due to the development of my own awareness about my place in the world (or lack thereof) as a black Afro-Colombian/Afro-Australian and subsequent experiences with racism and micro-aggressions.

This tumultuous but unique start to life, in conjunction, with the lived experience of navigating the word though the lens of an Afro-Colombian/Afro-Australia male, has aided in the development of a nuanced but balanced understanding of cultural, adoption and racial politics of today’s multicultural Australia.

This lived experience, is further supplemented by an academic background in law, investigations, government, politics and international relations, the pursuit of which in retrospect and with the aid of therapy, was both my innate curiosity to learn more about the world, a desire to effect change, and my inner child seeking validation and identity through achievements.

It was during this period, that I spent a year studying and playing college basketball at Oxford Brookes University, United Kingdom. Not whole lot of studying was done and the academic transcript upon return was not great but I can honestly say this was one of the best years of my life. I say this, as it was the first time in my life where I was not the only person of colour but also the first time in 21 years that I was around racial mirrors and a large Afro British/West African community. I think, in only my second week, I joined both the African and Latin American societies and immediately felt welcomed and at home.

Fast forward to 2022 and that sample feeling of what it was like to belong, in conjunction with the covid pandemic and the BLM movement, I was motivated to start to take some concrete steps to look into my own background and search for my biological family in Colombia. I really started to ‘come out of the adoptee fog’ as we tend to call it.

I joined a number of extremely welcoming and supportive online adoptee support and re-unification groups and through one of these groups, I was fortunate to connect with an extremely kind and amazing Colombian adoptee who explained further the history of illicit adoptions in Colombia and how and what documents I would need to start my search.

I diligently followed the advice provided and unearthed the limited documents I had (a birth certificate, a few medical records, abandonment certificate and adoption paperwork) and wrote a short blurb about myself with some baby and current photos. I then posted to range of reunification groups both here and in Colombia.

I was sceptical that anything would come of it especially knowing the current social and political climate of Colombia both now and at the time of my birth. I had grieved and accepted that I would most likely never find my biological family or that that they would be deceased.

Despite those initial reservations, approximately 24 hours after I had posted the search, I woke up to hundreds of messages on Facebook from people all around Colombia (nurses, doctors, private investigators and ordinary people ) offering to help or sending pictures of profiles of people who fit the description based on the information I had provided.

One of the groups who reached out was Plan Angel (an adoptee led organisation that specialise in biological reunification in Colombia). They sent through Facebook the profile of a lady with the same name as the woman listed on my birth certificate. Funnily enough, this happened to be a profile I had come across in my own searches but had discounted it as the date of birth did not match my birth certificate.

Plan Angel explained they had been contacted ‘by a lady, who knew a lady, who use to baby sit children that looked like you’ and asked whether I ‘would like them to make further enquires to confirm’. With my heart in chest, I replied, ‘Of course!’ 8 or so hours later, Plan Angel called at 7am in the morning saying, ‘We have confirmed that it is your biological mother, would you like to arrange a time to speak to her’. I calmly replied yes, expecting that this  meeting would occur in few days, weeks or months but to my great surprise, the lady pressed a button and in a little box at the top of my cracked iphone and for the first time in 30 years, I saw the face of  my mother, this illusive woman  whose face and personality I had imagined since as long I could remembered; a woman and a queen who had generously carried me around for 9 months and made me 50% of who I am. I think in that moment, even if it was for a split second, I felt at peace and knew what it was to truly have a point of reference for identity and place in this world.

As soon as we saw each other, we burst out in tears because we knew.  Looking back, I can honestly say this was a call that changed my life, as  I went from not knowing my place in the world,  feeling culturally isolated  and from a close loving but small two  sibling family, to 25 minutes later being the 3rd oldest in a crazy Afro-Colombian family of 13 and finally understanding and having a sense of culturally finding home and place! Here, I was not only  accepted for who I was, but I was celebrated.

Since that day, life and process of navigating the reunion process has been one wild, humbling, joyous, sad, grief filled, soothing yet erratic adventure that has really felt like the screenplay to a classic Latin telenovela. It has an unpredictable mix of horror, happiness, scandal, secrecy, crime, horror, drama, pain, love and family all mixed together.

A big part of what made this journey possible and survivable, has been the ongoing support, guidance, mentoring, exchange of shared experiences, friendship, healing education and community offered/provided by Lynelle and other adoptees through ICAV, Plan Angel as well as the wider adoptee community. It is my hope, that by sharing my tale, I am able to pay it forward, raise awareness around the realities of adoption (the need for improved support services), hopefully provide guidance and a relatable perspective to other intercountry adoptees both in general and for those who are thinking about reunification.

Click here to RSVP to ICAVs upcoming webinar on Reunion and Beyond:

Ressources

ICAVs webinar on Searching in Intercountry Adoption

La Réunion et au-delà

As the second part of our ICAV Webinar series on Recherche et Retrouvailles en Adoption Internationale, on 29 July (Europe / USA timezone) / 30 July (Australia timezone) we will be presenting to you our next webinar, La Réunion et au-delà.

Here’s an introduction to our amazing panelists:

Ervenotte Lassus-Harbord

Ervenotte is a 46 year old adoptee from Haiti sent to a French family in 1985. She currently works and lives in the UK, having built her own life with a husband and two children. She is a very creative person who loves art, music, languages, and travelling.

Ervenotte reunited with her Haitian family in 2010 and they are still in great connection regularly.

Alexander Kuch

Born in Romania, adopted to Germany and living most of his life in New Zealand, Alexander has been involved with je suis adopté  in New Zealand as a Board Director since it was established in 2015. Within this role at I’m Adopted, he provides resources, raises topics, creates events and gives support for those in the adoptee community. He’s also been involved with ICAV partnering together in 2021 for the documentary screening and discussion of Compte avec la blessure primordiale held in Germany.

As a Romanian adoptee, communities like je suis adopté et ICAV are important not just for adoptees who have been adopted internationally but adopted from everywhere. A highlight was sharing his adoption journey in a Conférence TEDx and co-presenting adoption research at ICAR6 with Dr.Scherman in Canada in 2018.  

Professionally, Alexander is a sustainability strategy consultant and he enjoys meeting new people, traveling and having adventures with a highlight being a 134m bungy jump.

Maria Heckinger

Maria was born in Patras, Greece in 1953. At 3 years of age she was adopted by a family in San Diego, CA., USA. Her childhood was challenging with a wonderful, loving mother but an unstable father who agreed to adoption to save his marriage.

Maria began a 31-year teaching career and traveled to Greece for the first time in 1984. Through sheer serendipity she found her orphanage and then her birth mother, a woman with many secrets. It took 10 years before her birth mother would tell about the rest of the extended family. They spent the next 34 years gathering as a family as often as possible.

In a story that reads more like fiction than fact, Maria chronicled the unlikely tale of her mother-and-child reunion in the book, Au-delà de la troisième porte : basé sur une histoire vraie.

Maria travels to Greece, enjoys playing pickleball with friends, and spending time outdoors in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

Sam Roxas Chau 姚 (Yao)

Roxas Chua 姚 (Yao) est né à Manille, aux Philippines. Il est un enfant trouvé et a été adopté par une famille chinoise de deuxième génération vivant aux Philippines. Il a découvert qu'il avait été adopté à l'âge de 12 ans et malheureusement, sa famille n'avait pas l'intention de le lui dire.

Roxas-Chua 姚 est également étudiant en poésie, en arts visuels et sonores. Il est l'auteur de Langue fauveDire son nom trois fois sous l'eauL'écholalie dans le scénario, et Cher quelqu'un quelque part, le journal podcast audio d'une personne adoptée. Ses œuvres de poésie et de calligraphie ont été publiées dans diverses revues locales, nationales et internationales. Son art et ses écrits recoupent diverses disciplines et l'ont amené à intervenir dans des universités en tant qu'auteur invité.

Roxas-Chua 姚 a récemment terminé un programme d'artiste en résidence au Portland Chinatown Museum et il crée actuellement des partitions musicales pour des films indépendants.

Renate Ae Ra Van Geel

Renate Ae Ra Van Geel est née en Corée du Sud mais a déménagé en Belgique afin d'être adoptée. Elle a 38 ans, est mariée et a deux enfants.

Elle a retrouvé ses parents, sœurs et frère coréens il y a 11 ans. Ce n'est qu'après la mort de ses deux parents adoptifs qu'elle a pu sortir du brouillard et se plonger dans « le processus ». Depuis, ce fut un voyage précieux mais très cahoteux. Elle s'est rendue en Corée à trois reprises au cours des deux dernières années, dont une fois avec son mari et ses enfants.

En tant que consultante psychologique, elle conseille et coache principalement des adoptés adultes et elle fait également partie de Adopté et famille d'accueil (AFC) basé aux Pays-Bas et en Belgique.

Ben Fossen

Ben Fossen a été adopté du Guatemala à l'âge de 4 mois en 1990 dans une famille aux États-Unis. Il est ingénieur, investisseur et entrepreneur. Il a co-fondé Adoptés avec des racines guatémaltèques, une communauté mondiale de personnes adoptées du Guatemala et en est actuellement le président du conseil d'administration.

Ben est retourné au Guatemala plus de 30 fois et a repris contact avec sa famille biologique en 2015. Il est très proche d'eux et leur rend visite plusieurs fois par an et ils l'ont accueilli en tant que membre de la famille.

Ben a fait pression sur le gouvernement et le président guatémaltèques pour obtenir des services pour les adoptés guatémaltèques qui ont été approuvés et mis en œuvre en 2021.

James Kinnaird

James est né à Cali, en Colombie, en 1993 et a été séparé de sa mère colombienne et adopté dans une famille australienne à l'âge d'un an. Au cours d'un long et tumultueux voyage de découverte de soi et de révélation des vérités sur l'histoire des adoptions illégales et illicites en Colombie, James a contacté la communauté des adoptés sur les réseaux sociaux à la recherche de sa famille biologique. N'attendant pas grand-chose, il a été submergé par les offres d'aide et d'assistance dans les 24 heures suivant la publication des informations sur sa recherche. Un des groupes, Plan Ange a tendu la main et c'est très rapidement que sa mère a été localisée et qu'ils parlaient ensemble.

En 2021, James a participé aux ICAV Projet vidéo pour les professionnels qui a développé une ressource indispensable pour éduquer les enseignants, les médecins et les conseillers sur l'expérience vécue des adoptés internationaux.

En dehors de l'adoption, James aime le basket-ball, la musique, les jeux vidéo, la pêche, les voyages, l'histoire et les relations internationales, les festivals de musique, la salsa, la lecture, une bonne fête, la tournée des bars, la pratique de l'espagnol, la cuisine et le fait d'être un entraîneur accro aux collations.

Raya Neige

Raya est née à Ivanovo, en Russie, en 1989. À l'âge de 8 ans, elle a été vendue en privé par une arrière-grand-tante biologique à des personnes au Canada et placée en garde à vue par une famille russophone. Elle ne se considère plus comme une adoptée mais comme une personne déplacée, victime de la traite de son pays natal vers un autre. 

Raya contribue à Adoptés au coin du feu et aide au support, aux graphiques, à la promotion et à l'hébergement de discussions hebdomadaires. Elle a également été impliquée dans Compte avec la blessure primordiale, faisant la promotion du documentaire et proposant des ressources. Ces dernières années, elle faisait partie de l'équipe de je suis adopté, interviewant des adoptés, partageant sa vie d'adopté et se connectant avec d'autres adoptés russes.

Avec toutes les difficultés et les traumatismes auxquels de nombreux adoptés sont confrontés, Raya a décidé de suivre une certification en coaching informé sur les traumatismes pour aider les adoptés à reconnaître leur chagrin et à réapprendre au cerveau de nouvelles façons de penser, ce qui permet aux adoptés de remarquer leurs réactions au traumatisme et la manière dont cela les affecte. dans le présent. Raya croit nous ne pouvons pas changer le passé mais nous pouvons changer où nous en sommes dans le présent en plongeant plus profondément en nous-mêmes

Lynelle Long – Hôte ICAV

Cette incroyable équipe de panélistes et d'animatrice du webinaire et fondatrice de l'ICAV, Lynelle Long, a hâte de partager notre expérience vécue avec vous lors de notre prochain webinaire. Si tu vouloir assister au webinaire La Réunion et au-delà, cliquez sur le bouton RSVP ci-dessous :

Ressources

Première partie de cette série de webinaires, Rechercher dans l'adoption internationale en tant qu'experts des adoptés

Une autre forme de Réunion

par Damian S Rocco, adopté du Vietnam à l'Australie.

Je partage avec vous le prochain chapitre de mon voyage !

De gauche à droite : Damian et Luom

Cette photo date des années 1970. Alors que j'étais récupéré dans un orphelinat de Saigon pour être envoyé à un couple australien dans les années 70, l'orphelinat a dit au couple : « Il y a un autre enfant à moitié noir/asiatique et ces deux-là semblent jouer beaucoup ensemble. Pouvez-vous en prendre deux ?

Le couple a déclaré : « Nous n’en avons demandé qu’un ! » Mais ils ont aussi pris Luom.

Bien que nous ne soyons pas frères et sœurs biologiques, nos parcours sont les mêmes et la fraternité n’est pas toujours définie comme devant être biologiquement liée.

Peu de temps après notre arrivée en Australie pour être avec ce couple, ils ont décidé après un certain temps de ne pas garder Luom. Il a été livré à l'État puis a vibré dans son voyage inconnu.

Nous nous sommes reconnectés 25 ans plus tard, dans les années 90, puis, à cause de quelques défis de la vie, je me suis retiré de notre voyage ensemble. Avance rapide jusqu’en 2023 et nous nous sommes reconnectés.

Luom, comme moi, a également trouvé sa famille afro-américaine aux États-Unis. Cela m’a apporté une joie et un bonheur absolus.

Luom a eu son moment Antwone Fisher. Pour ceux qui ont vu le film, vous saurez ce que je veux dire : la dernière scène du film !

Luom a été accueilli par sa famille afro-américaine avec des pancartes et tout.

Je m'excuse auprès de Luom car son amour fraternel inconditionnel pour moi n'était pas suffisant au début de ma vie pour me sortir de certains endroits sombres. Merci de toujours ne pas m'abandonner.

À venir : vous pouvez RSVP pour le webinaire de la deuxième partie de l'ICAV sur La Réunion et au-delà

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